Lavender
by LostSparrow
Summary: John Connor is strong. He is the leader and the heart of the resistance. But he is also only human and every human has weaknesses. John refuses to let any of his soldiers see them and tried to convince even himself he had none; but in the end, he cannot deny his weaknesses forever. He needs to perform his duty but can he remain focused with his distractions? (Genisys universe)
1. Chapter 1

John Connor is fueled by three things.

Anger. Anger for the machines that ruined the beautiful world he once lived on.

Hatred. Hatred for Skynet. Simple as that.

Passion. Passion for life, for the future. Passion for the fighting the machines to win this war.

The soldiers he commands can see these traits. They can see his anger, his hatred, and his passion. He's the perfect leader. These things make him strong and powerful. However, he is only a human. And every human has a weakness.

And his is pain. Pain he chooses not to show, but it is still there, buried deep down. Pain for the countless men and women he's lost in this war. It cripples him, to the point he is overcome with a darkness that consumes him and sends him into uncontrollable trembles and his breathing becomes so quick that he feels like he's suffocating. Of course, he would never let anyone see this. This pain only shows itself late at night, around 2 or 3am, when he is alone in his room sitting on the edge of his bed. He knows it's been getting worse and worse these past few months. He's losing sleep, something he isn't able to do much anyway. He needs to get sleep as often as he can and he can't be kept awake by a stupid anxiety attack.

So that's why he's making his way down to the medical bay. If anyone asks why he's down here, he'll use the excuse that he needs to be stitched up after their most recent mission. It's not a lie either, he does have a painful cut on his arm which does inevitably need to be stitched up, so he might as well do both in one go.

He reaches the heavy metal door leading to the medical bay and gives it a shove. It opens up and he steps in silently and sees only one person in the bay; Quinn. She's a nurse who's been thrown into the medical world since J-day. Her mother, Mackenzie, was one of the first doctor's that the resistance had. Mackenzie was killed three years ago, whilst she was on the battlefield trying to nurse an injured soldier. A terminator was dropped from a helicopter only three feet from them. John had seen it happened and tried to run to them, but he was too far away and Mackenzie was shot in the head instantly by the machine. He can still remember the gruesome sight of her head snapping back from the impact, her body slumping forwards face first in the dirt and the blood staining her greying blonde hair.

It was John himself who told Quinn. He still remembers that day. It was July 29 and Quinn was standing in the medical bay. She was about to be hounded by twenty two injured soldiers, but John had reached her first. When he walked in she rushed to him, expecting him to be injured too. He was, but only with minor injuries that could wait. There were other nurses in the bay so he pulled her aside into the corner. She looked surprised and opened her mouth but John speaks first.

"She's not coming back, Quinn." He whispers.

She only stares at him. No words leave her mouth. He can see her eyes starting to brim with tears, but then the floodgates open. And by floodgates he means the door to the medical bay. The injured soldiers are brought in. Some can walk, others are carried in. Quinn looks at the door and swallows hard, wipes her eyes and quickly runs back to join the other nurses. She has a job to do. She can mourn later. John joins her and helps carry the injured men to the metal tables they use as make shift operating beds.

It takes almost four hours for the nurses to patch up the soldiers. They had lost two, one died almost instantly while the other managed to hang on for a few hours. One had lost a leg and the other had a bullet ricochet through their rib cage and finally lodge itself in the lung. He lost too much blood during the operation.

The nurses are exhausted by the end of it. One has fallen asleep in the corner of the room while others crawl back to their rooms. Quinn is still standing, leaning against a counter. She's covered in blood and is trying her best to scrub it off her arms. John had come back from carrying on of his dead soldiers to the make shift morgue they have in the next room when he saw her. He approached her carefully.

"Quinn…" he whispers. She stiffens and looks at the floor.

"I'm s-sorry I couldn't save th-them. I tired, I did."

"Quinn-"

"But the blood was too much and I couldn't stop his leg bl-bleeding."

"Quinn, its oka-"

"And then we tried to re-remove the bullet and it was to-too much and I-"

"Quinn, stop." He says firmly. He had walked beside her and takes her by the shoulders, making her look at him. He is alarmed when he sees her face. She looks terrified and her eyes are watering, and there's a splatter of blood across her face. She's shaking under his hands.

"Did she suffer?" she asks him. He knows she's asking about Mackenzie, her mother.

"No. It was quick," He responds. She nods and looks at the floor again, and he can feel her begin to tremble even more. "I'm sorry." He says. She nods again and steps forward, pressing her face against his chest. She's doing this to hide the tears that are streaming down her face. He can feel them soaking his shirt and he considers telling her to stop crying and toughen up. She's not the only person to lose her mother. But for once, he decides not to. He puts his arm around her shoulders and pulls her close and rests his head on hers. A moment of comfort in the night isn't always weakness or a bad thing to do. Since that night, John and Quinn have been friends. Well as friendly as you can be during a war. But John knows that he can trust her with his anxiety.

Quinn walks over to him, tossing her notebook on the counter. She looks at him and offers as good a smile as she can considering the circumstances. Today she helped deliver a baby girl, the daughter of one of John's soldiers; Miranda Anderson. But the baby didn't survive. John's used to the sight of body bags but he's certainly not used to seeing one so small. The bag is on one of the metal tables and Miranda is sitting beside it. Her face is vacant and she is just staring at the small bag. John looks at Quinn, silently asking if there is anything he could do. But Quinn only shakes her head. No one could get Miranda to move, she can only move when she's ready. Quinn gestures to one of the smaller rooms linked to the main bay. This is where the nurses and doctors deal with more personal matters, away from prying eyes. John follows her and then sits on a metal chair in the middle of the room.

Quinn sits down opposite him and tucks her hair behind her ears before looking at him. "Okay, how can I help you?' she asks.

"Something on my arm is sore." He responds, not wanting to tell her the reason why he's really there just yet. Quinn nods and stands up and walks over to him and instructs him to take off his shirt. He does so and Quinn takes his arm and examines the wound. John clumsily bandaged it himself and when she removes the bandage her nose wrinkles. It's about six inches, shallow but jagged.

"You should have come to me first before you bandaged it," she grumbles. She put on gloves and takes a piece of cotton, dips it in rubbing alcohol and begins cleaning the cut. "How did you get this?" she asks.

"Ran into a piece of rusty metal." He answers. He's not lying either. He wasn't watching where he was going and simply ran into an old rusty pole. Quinn rolls her eyes and then reaches for a sterile needle and thread and begins stitching the cut closed. It doesn't take her too long, she's had a lot of practice.

"I need your help with something else." He says quietly when she's almost done.

"Of course. What is it?" she answers as she finishes her last stitch.

He glances at her before answering. She doesn't return his look, she's too busy examining her work. "I, um, have trouble sleeping sometimes." He says.

This is when she stops and looks at him. "What's the cause?" she asks. She reaches for a small roll of cloth bandages and begins wrapping it around his arm.

He shrugs and looks at the ground before answering. "Anxious I guess."

Quinn chews on the inside of her cheek, a bad habit she has. Sometimes she'll bite so hard blood fills her mouth. Anxiety is something that many members of the resistance deal with, along with PTSD and depression. It's the horrible effects of a war.

"I don't have any medication to spare for you, we need all the sedatives we can get. But when you have these anxiety attacks, I have something to help. Do twenty five jumping jacks and count while you do it. After that take ten deep breaths. Then to sleep I need you to lie on your left side and cover your right nostril so you're only breathing your left side. Trust me, it helps. And tense your muscles. Start with your toes, squeeze them together then release. Then do your knees, fingers and so on. Then once you're done all that breathe deeply and count every breath until you're asleep. It will help," She says. John nods and stands up, slipping his shirt over his head. "Wait I have one more thing for you." She says and disappears out of the room, but is only gone for fifty seconds. When she returns she has a small cloth pouch in her hand. She hands it to him and when he takes it from her, he looks at her with his eyebrow raised, wanting an explanation.

"It's lavender. I found some when I was on a supplies run last time. I use it when I can't sleep, just smell it while you're doing your breath exercises. It helps, a lot." She tells him. John nods and reaches up, touching her cheek with his hand. It's as gracious as he gets and it's his way of saying thank you. He begins walking out but her voice stops him at the door.

"You're not the only one who deals with this, John." She tells him.

"But I'm not supposed to be weak, Quinn. This is weakness to me." He answers bitterly.

"It's not weakness. It took strength to come to me for help. And it takes strength for you to deal with this so often and still lead us every day. You're so strong and everyone can see that. But you're also only human." She tells him. He glances back at her one last time before walking out without responding. He is only human, but he's not allowed to be weak. His mother taught him that. And his soldiers can never know. Right now the only person that knows his weakness is the girl with the lavender.


	2. Chapter 2

John lies back in his bed, making sure his breathing is slow and steady, like she told him. It's 3:38am and his exhaustion is almost overtaking him. He didn't sleep the night before because he and his three most trusted commanders were planning an attack on a Skynet camp that has 92 human prisoners and they need to be liberated. The attack will take place in 23 hours' time and John knows he has to be in his best mental and physical state for it.

John's eyelids feel so heavy. He's done twenty five jumping jacks, like Quinn told him. But his mind is still buzzing. _Breathing, do your breathing_ he thinks to himself. He breathes in and out slowly counting while he does it. One, two, three…

Then his mind seems to explode with questions.

What if he loses more soldiers? What if he loses one of his commanders? Or Kyle? What if the human prisoners are killed during the fight, or worse what if they're slaughtered by the machines before they can arrive to save them? Fuck… What if he fails?

His breathing has become rapid. He's lost count and now it's so quick he feels like his throat is tightening. He rolls over and sits up, his muscles beginning to tremble. He reaches out with a shaking hand and grabs the small pouch of lavender that's sitting on the bedside table. He holds it up to his nose and breathes in deeply, hoping that the smell will have its desired effect. It takes a few moments but the deep breathing does help. He lays down, still holding the pouch under his nose.

 _Breathe. Breathe again._

He begins counting. One, two, three, four…

His eyes slip closed and his breathing slows and for the first time in months John Connor falls asleep and doesn't wake up.

* * *

Quinn wakes up in the morning to the sound of someone pounding on her door. She groans and rolls over, shoving her face into the pillow. When the knocking on the door doesn't cease she finally lifts her head.

"What is it?" she yells at the door.

"Get up, Abbott. You overslept!" someone screams back at her. She recognizes the voice, it belongs to her fellow nurse Aaron Ryerson. He had the night shift and he sounds pissed that she wasn't awake for her shift, which was very unusual.

Quinn scrambles off the bed and runs through her room looking for her clothes. "I'm sorry I'll be ready in a minute!" she screams. She can hear Aaron sigh and then mutter an angry curse word before walking away with heavy feet. He's exhausted, she knows that. Being in the medical bay for so many hours' drains you. Quinn pulls out a ratty dark grey sweatshirt that she's worn for years. It has patches on it to cover the many holes in it. Her jeans are not any better than her sweatshirt, covered in patches to keep them together. She doesn't exactly have a lot of clothing to pick from so she learned to sew and keep her clothes together.

She slips on her boots and throws her hair into a messy ponytail before jogging out the door. The hallway is dark and she barely sees anyone while she makes her way to the med bay. Aaron is just taking off a stethoscope when she arrives. He glances at her and then hands her a clipboard with his notes written on them. He was examining a soldier who was injured in a horrible battle a few months ago and is having a difficult and slow recovery. Aaron walks to the door and hands Quinn his stethoscope and leans down so he can whisper in her ear without the other soldier hearing.

"He's starting to have doubts that he can get back to his old shape and I think he might be falling into depression and he seems anxious. Keep an eye on him." He whispers then disappears out the door. Quinn walks over to the soldier and offers a smile before sitting down opposite him. The soldier just glances at her and then looks at the floor.

She examines him silently and notices how much weight he's lost; at least twenty pounds. He's fidgeting with his hands and there are dark bags under his eyes and his eyelids are drooped. He hasn't been sleeping, he has trouble focusing and he's had drastic weight loss. She looks down at the clipboard, the soldiers name is Ryan Hunt.

"Ryan?" she asks. He jumps, almost startled at her voice. He looks at her with a sudden wildness in his eyes.

"Yes, yeah, what-"

"Ryan, calm down its okay. I just need to ask you some questions, is that okay?" she asks him, trying to keep her voice calm and low. Ryan has started chewing on his nails and in moment's blood starts to pool from the torn skin on his fingers.

"Ryan?" she asks again. He jumps again and looks at her and nods, answering her question. She smiles and looks at the clipboard. Aaron's messy handwriting indicates that Ryan has been jumpy and quick to anger, potentially violent. Aaron is thinking anxiety, but Quinn is thinking PTSD. "Ryan, do you have trouble sleeping?" she asks.

"Um, yeah, yeah I do. I'm sorry I need to go, um, I need to go now." He says and quickly stands up off the table, trying to run to the door. Quinn's eyebrows shoot up in surprise and she quickly follows him. The nurses are used to handling the soldiers with PTSD or anxiety and Quinn knows that sometimes the situations can turn violent, but its better he be violent in the med bay where there are sedatives.

"Ryan, wait, I need you to stop for a second-" she begins and reaches forward to touch his arm, but he whips around so quickly that she nearly jumps out of her skin. Ryan looks furious and frightened at the same time.

"Don't, don't touch me!" he shouts at her.

"Ryan, please I'm just trying to help-"

Before she can finish the sentence. Someone suddenly opens the med bay door which creates a loud bang against the metal wall when it slams against it. Ryan nearly screams, the noise is like what the terminator made when it was dropped from the helicopter on to the ground beside him. It's just like that noise, just like that noise… he's coming back for him… the machine is coming back for him.

Ryan screams and looks for an exit. Quinn quickly goes to him but she gets too close, far too close for his liking.

"Don't touch me! Leave me alone!" he screams and grabs her shoulders and with one powerful shove he's thrown her into the metal examining table. The metal table is on wheels and easily put off balance so both the table and Quinn crash to the ground, and Quinn lets out a loud cry as her spine comes in contact with the sharp edge. She slumps to the floor and tries to steady her breathing but then is reminded of Ryan when his shouts fill the air. She looks up and sees none other than John Connor, the very man who opened the door in the first place, with his arms wrapped around Ryan who is thrashing wildly in John's strong grip. A fellow nurse who was in one of the adjoining rooms comes running in, a needle which he manages to plunge into Ryan's arm. The sedative is almost instantaneous and Ryan is soon falling to the floor. John drags him over to a bed that has restraints for wrists and ankles. Ryan will get better, but it's too dangerous to have him out by himself.

Once Ryan is restrained to the table, John turns his attention back to Quinn. She's off the floor and trying to haul the metal table back upright.

"Here, let me-" he starts but she holds up her hand and shakes her head.

"Don't. I got it." She grumbles and hauls the table up. She groans and rubs her back and John raises an eyebrow.

"Are you okay?" he asks her and walks over to her. She nods and kneels down, reaching for her clipboard. "You sure?" John asks again.

"Yes. Caught me off guard that's it." She grumbles as she stands up with her clipboard.

"Why don't you let me look at that?" he asks her as he leans against the table while Quinn scribbles in her notes.

"I thought I was supposed to be the nurse," she responds and looks at him with a small smile on her face. He allows himself to smirk and nods in agreement but then looks at her seriously, asking her silently to take a look. She sighs and just nods and turns around so her back is facing him. He gently pulls her on to the metal table and then lifts her shirt up so he can examine her back. The skin over her lower spine is bright red, as well as a medium sized cut accompanying it. He runs his finger around the edges and she arches her back at the contact and inhales sharply.

"Sorry, did that hurt you?" he asks quietly.

She shrugs and turns around to look at him. "How is it?" she asks. She knows it's not serious, but fuck it hurts like hell.

"I think you'll survive. Where's your rubbing alcohol?" he asks her. She gestures to the shelves above their desk and he walks over and takes it, along with a cotton swab. He dips it in and begins rubbing it around her skin and she cringes. "I need to tell you something." He says as he continues cleaning.

"What is it?" she asks. He cleans a sensitive part of her skin and she jolts. He puts his hand on her shoulder and make sure she's still before continuing cleaning.

"We're going on a mission in 15 hours. Be prepared for when we come back." He tells her.

"What should I expect?"

"We're going to liberate a camp. I don't know how many prisoners we'll have, or how many of us will be injured. Just be prepared." He tells her. He finishes cleaning and decides it doesn't need a bandage, it's not bleeding too much. He lets her sweatshirt fall back into its place and Quinn nods her thanks. "Thank you, by the way, for the sleeping aids. They helped." He tells her. Quinn smiles and shrugs. John makes his way to the door and is almost out when Quinn says something to him.

"Be careful, John." She says quietly.

"Always." Is his only response.


	3. Chapter 3

Kyle Reese stands still in front of John, waiting for John to strap on the heavy armored vest. John pulls the straps tightly, making sure it won't move during the battle. Kyle's been rattling off the plans for the attack for the past twenty minutes and John has just listened silently. It's a routine Kyle has before any battle, going over every single detail of the plan to make sure he has it correct. John just listens. He already knows every detail, but if it keeps Kyle calm and focused he doesn't mind.

John finishes tightening the vest and moves on to the shoulder armour, making sure its firm and in place. He notices Kyle has stopped talking and he raises an eyebrow, wanting an explanation as to why. Kyle is chewing his lip and doesn't offer a reason.

"Are you nervous?" John asks him as he pulls the final strap across Kyle's shoulder.

Kyle shakes his head and mutters "no."

John nods and steps back, making sure Kyle is fit for battle. He knows that going to fight is always risky and this might be the last time he sees his troops alive and that worries him. He knows Kyle has to stay alive, but he can't guarantee the safety of his other soldiers. All he can do is pray they make it. John gives Kyle a final nod before the two of them walk to the helicopter, which is waiting to carry them away.

Unbeknownst to any of the soldiers, buried deep in John's pocket is the small pouch of lavender. As he settles into his seat, while Kyle talks with the pilot, John reaches into his pocket and fishes it out. He raises it to his nose and breathes in deeply, letting the smell comfort him and calm his busy mind. Before anyone can see he stuffs it back into his pocket. The helicopter begins and John closes his eyes. Another battle about to begin, he wonders what the outcome of this will be.

* * *

Quinn listens to Miranda Andersons' heartbeat. It's steady and strong, but Miranda's face holds no emotion. She hasn't smiled, cried, nothing since losing her baby. She's shut down completely. Quinn takes the stethoscope and folds it back into her pocket and nods at Miranda, who slide off the table and leaves without another word. Miranda will be shut down for at least a few months and Quinn doesn't know how to pull her out of it.

Suddenly, she hears shouting from the hallway. Not just one person, many. Suddenly she remembers; the battle. The soldiers are coming back. Technically she was supposed to be done her shift but she knows they'll need all the help they can get. And she's right. About thirty people stream into the med bay, carrying soldiers who have a range of injuries. People are shouting at her, begging to help. Quinn can barely think before someone grabs her by the arm and hauls her over. When she looks to see who it is, she sees the panicked face of Kyle Reese.

"Help him!" he shouts. She pushes him away and sees John, being supported by two soldiers. He's unresponsive and there's blood all over his body. Quinn wastes no time and instructs the men to put John on a table and the first thing Quinn notices is how much blood is pouring out of large gashes on the left side of his face.

"Kyle get me a towel, please." She says, trying to keep her voice low and calm. She begins removing John's armored pieces and then his shirt, worried about what other injures he could have. Fortunately, there's only a few bruises and gashes on his abdomen, but nothing life threatening. How he manages to survive the machines time and time again, she doesn't know. But she's thankful, so thankful, he does.

Kyle runs back with a towel and Quinn presses it on John's face, soaking up the blood. There's a cut on his forehead, several on his cheek and one running through his lip and ending on his chin. These will leave scars, bad scars. But he'll be alive. Quinn knows she can't stop the bleeding without stitches. Tonight will be a long night.

* * *

When John wakes up, the first thing he notices is a searing pain on the left side of his face. His hand goes to touch his face, but someone grabs him. He turns and sees an exhausted looking Quinn sitting beside him. Her movements are slow as she pulls her hand back, there are bags under her eyes. Her hair is greasy and limp as it falls over her shoulders and her shoulders are sagged. She looks like she was awake for hours. It dawns on him that he may have been knocked out for a long time too.

"How long was I out?" he croaks. His throat is raw, dry and sore and it is impacting his speech.

Quinn tucks her knees up and leans her head on her hand, looking like she was trying desperately to stay awake and answer his question. "Um, you were out for about eight hours. I had to give you a sedative. Do you remember what happened on the battlefield?" she asks him.

John squints and tires hard to remember what happened, but his brain is so foggy. He remember reaching the camp, fighting countless machines like usual, but then he remembers seeing a machine appear out of the blue besides Kyle. He knew Kyle can't die. It would change everything. So John did the only thing he could; run forwards and throw himself on the machine. The gun was kicked away but the machine had a sharp blade protruding from its left knuckle, and it came in contact with John's stomach. Luckily, his vest stopped most of the impact but it still managed to cut the sensitive skin. But then the terminator punched John, making him lose his grip. Then the blade was on his face. He can't remember what happened after that.

"John?" Quinn asks again. He looks at her and just shakes his head, not wanting to tell her the story yet. She understands and then pulls herself to her feet.

"Okay. You should stay here for a while longer until your stitches are healed. I just wanted to make sure you woke up… I'm going back to my room." She says and yawns, stretching her sore arms.

"You waited the whole time?" he murmurs. Despite being asleep for so long, he's starting to feel drowsy again.

"Of course. You would do the same," she says. She begins walking to the door, but then John makes a noise and she stops.

"I need to go back to my room. The medical bay needs this table and I don't need to be on it any longer than needed," he says and sits up slowly, wincing as his stitches pull on his abdomen. Quinn looks at him and looks like she's about to argue, but he gives her the "just don't" look. She knows he's right, they need the table and it would be more efficient for him to return to his room. So Quinn walks over and gingerly takes on of his arms and drapes it over her shoulders. He looks at you and raises his eyebrow.

"What are you doing?" he mutters as she pulls him to his feet.

"Just lean on me. Let me help," she responds quietly. John leans his full weight on her and they begin down the hallway. It takes them a long time, because Quinn is too tired and John can't move too quickly because of his stitches.

"My face is going to scar isn't it?" he asks bluntly when they eventually meet his room.

"Yes. But scars add character." She answers. They push the door open and both stagger into the room. Quinn leads him to the bed and he lays down, wincing and groaning as his stitches pull. Quinn makes sure he's not bleeding and in a somewhat comfortable looking position before standing up. The movement makes her head spin and she loses her balance and falls to the floor. She hasn't slept in almost 22 hours, her body is weak. John sits up quickly and swings his legs off the bed, ready to drop to the floor to check on her.

"No, your stitches-"

"Fuck my stitches. Are you okay?" he asks as he kneels down. She nods and just mumbles something along the lines of "I'm tired". John slips his arm around her waist and carefully pulls her up to the bed.

"What are you doing?" she asks. Her eyes are closed and her voice is muffled by the mattress.

"Just sleep here tonight." He answers. She's rolled on to her side, her back facing him and he gets in beside her. Back to back, John is asleep almost instantly. Perhaps, for him, Quinn has the same effect as lavender does.


	4. Chapter 4

John stares at himself in the mirror. The reflection staring back at him shows a scarred man with a bitter, angry expression. The gashes on his face are swollen and red and purple bruises are forming around the edges. He reaches up and gingerly touches one of the stitches, but quickly pulls his fingers back like his skin was made of flames. His skin still aches from the attack of terminator.

It's early in the day and he has a meeting at 0600 hours, approximately in fifty minutes. He knew it was his duty to go but he's so exhausted he just wants to climb back into bed. He could barely sleep last night, despite the lavender and breathing exercises. It's been fifteen days since the terminator attack that left his face so damaged, and he finds himself having troublesome nightmares of sharp blades and glowing red eyes. He sighs angrily and leaves his room, annoyed at himself. He decides to go to the med bay, because he knows Quinn has caffeine pills hidden for him. She doesn't like giving it to him saying it does him no good. Quinn has been especially irritable since the last battle and he is nervous she may be unable to perform her duties properly. But in the end, it's her job. She has to do it.

* * *

He steps inside the med bay and sees her back first. She's hunched over a makeshift table, writing furiously on her clipboard. He notices that Miranda Anderson is sitting down, as emotionless and still as always. Quinn has been trying desperately to shake her out of her depression but so far nothing has worked. Miranda's wild red hair is noticeably unkempt, falling down in messy curls over her shoulders. Her skin has an unhealthy waxiness to it, and her eyes are simply dead. Miranda gets off her seat and leaves the med bay quickly, brushing past John as if she didn't even see him. He doesn't stop her.

"Quinn, I need the pills." He says as soon as Miranda leaves. He doesn't bother with a greeting. He doesn't have time for mannerisms.

Quinn stiffens and he can hear her breathe out heavily. "Why?" she replies, without turning to face him. He sees her hand hover over her jacket pocket, where he guesses the pills are hidden, but she then continues writing.

"Excuse me? It's not your place to question my-" he begins angrily but Quinn spins around so fast, throwing her pen at his face as she does so. He ducks to miss it and when he straightens he sees her furious, tired face.

"You need them to go to some fucking meeting to plan another attack on the machines, don't you? Why do you keep fighting, John?! You live on pure luck. But you're running out of it! You can't hope to actually win this war, it's useless and when will you see that!" she screams at him. Her screaming has attracted the attention of the other nurses and ill soldiers, who are all staring at her with wide eyes because she just yelled at their leader. No one does that.

John is staring at her too, not with wide eyes but with eyes that burn with anger. Quinn has always been supportive, she's always patched him up, and given him whatever he needs. But her sudden insubordination was unbelievable. "You're out of your place, Abbott. Give me what I ask for and I may be willing to overlook it." He snarls at her.

"No. I won't. You can't keep fighting and pushing your body to the limits. You need rest and to heal, like half the other fucking people in this base. I won't watch you kill yourself. I won't!" she shouts at him. Her clipboard has been thrown to the ground and she's standing in a defensive position.

"You doubt my strength?" he rages, the fire in his eyes burning even brighter. How dare she doubt him?

"Yes! You're only human, against machines. This war has already been lost!" she shouts. And at that moment, John snaps. He grabs a metal tables and throws it at the wall, breaking several glass shelves as he does so. He starts towards Quinn but suddenly Aaron Ryerson is in between them, throwing himself in front of Quinn and holding a hand out in front of John, pleading for him to stop.

"Please, sir, please don't punish her. She's been overworked and has taken the pills you wanted yourself. She's not in her right mind at all, this isn't her speaking." He begs.

"Aaron, don't speak for me-"

"Shut up, Quinn!" he shouts and Quinn actually closes her lips. John does notice the black shadows under her eyes and he knows that Aaron is most likely telling the truth. Quinn wouldn't turn against him, she's just exhausted and overworked.

"Get her out of her," John commands. Aaron quickly nods and turns around, grabbing Quinn by her left arm and drags her out of the med bay. She struggles and screams at him too, but he won't let her get in any more trouble so he grabs her by the waist and hauls the screaming girl out of the metal room.

* * *

Quinn knew she was in trouble. Aaron had never yelled at her like he just did. She knew that her blowing up at John, their leader, was a bad idea. She could get exiled or even imprisoned for that. She was just so tired, her thoughts were confused and jumbled and the only thing she could clearly make out was anger. Anger at John, for risking his life. Angry at the machines for destroying her world. Her anger overflowed and erupted, and by the time her outbursts were over she barely remembered what she said. Just the look of furiousness in John's blue eyes and the feeling of Aaron dragging her away. It was awful.

She was dumped in her room where she quickly fell asleep. When she awoke and tried to open the door, she discovered it was locked. Someone must have locked her in until John speaks to her. She brushes her hair back and rubs her eyes. She hates being in here, she doesn't know what time it is, or what's happened since she slept.

The sudden noise of her door opening makes her jump. She looks up and sees him, looking ragged and messy. He slams the door behind him and walks over to the opposite wall, leaning against it with his arms crossed over his chest. His eyebrows are knit together and he looks far from impressed.

"Care to explain your little tantrum?" he asks.

She shrugs, her eyes downcast on a little rusty chip in the floor like it was the most fascinating thing in the world. She would be staring at anything to avoid meeting his penetrating gaze.

"Abbott, I want an answer." He snaps. If he had any patience in the beginning, it's certainly gone now.

"I wasn't in my right mind, I'm sorry." She mumbles.

"You've never shown any signs of insubordination-"

"It wasn't that! I promise. I just… I just don't want to bury you, John. I've buried more humans than I can even count. Don't make me add you to the list." She admits to him.

John walks over and takes her chin in his fingers, tilting her head upwards. Her eyes are twinkling in the light, most likely from the tears she's trying to keep back. She doesn't cry, one can't cry in a war.

"You have to promise me not to do that again. Your spirit gives me strength, like the others do. Don't give my commanders a reason to exile you out to the machines, Quinn. I wouldn't be able to stop it." He admits, almost looking ashamed.

Quinn nods in response. John gently grazes his thumb over her chin, absentmindedly. Quinn raises an eyebrow, surprised at the gentle action. John seems surprised at himself too. It's unlike him to do that. Perhaps he did it because he was thankful she didn't turn against him. He didn't need to worry about that on top of everything else.

"As you were, Abbott." He says quietly and leaves quickly. Quinn is left in her room, almost wishing his touch could have lasted a little longer.


	5. Chapter 5

Quinn can keep her head when in the most stressful of situations that concern life or death. However, that steady mind doesn't stop her from making stupid decisions in her normal day to day activities. Or night activities, she should say.

The stupid decision has now hit her full force- like walking into a steel wall.

She's curled up over a toilet, after vomiting for almost thirteen minutes straight. Its 6am, her shift starts in two hours but she can't imagine pulling herself off the floor. She knows what this is. A dreaded, horrible thing. Her breasts are bigger, sore and far tenderer than before. She assumed it was just her period coming, which would also explain her tiredness. She's always tired, but she felt it even more this month. But then when she started noticing changes in her urination frequencies and other signs from her area and then the morning sickness, she knew that this wasn't normal.

She's probably pregnant and oh, fuck, is she in trouble.

She collapses on the floor, coughing up the last of the disgusting vomit. She curls up in a fetal position, holding on to her knees. Her eyes are squeezed shut and her head is aching. The cold of the floor is almost soothing.

Yes, she's made a huge mistake. A stupid mistake.

The father of her child is not who she wishes it was. Well… no, it's not that she wishes it was him… She doesn't know what she wants anymore. Did she want John to be the father? Is that it? Well that's certainly not how it worked out. The father is Aaron Ryerson, her fellow nurse. She never intended on being with Aaron, but one night of drunken stupidity led to this. Aaron had found a bottle of vodka, aged for years, whilst on a run and snuck it back to med bay. After one hard night, when they lost four soldiers, she found Aaron slouched on the floor. Quinn kneeled down beside him and that's when he fished the dirt caked bottle out of his pocket. They silently drank it and due to their very tolerances, they were drunk in moments. That's when he kissed her. It was sloppy and messy, but Quinn quickly grabbed his face and continued it.

They stumbled back to his room and that's when they made the mistake. The one she's now paying for. They slept together about two months ago but she's only showing symptoms now. She's going to be a mother…

Her stomach flips again at the thought, and she grabs the rim of the toilet and hauls herself up, just in time before she starts gagging. It's only dry heaves now, there's nothing left to come up. She knows that there are a few pregnancy tests in the med bay and she can take one when she goes to her shift. Like all there other supplies, they try their best to save them for the most important cases, but she's willing to take the risk.

A knock on her door makes her groan. She doesn't care who it is, she doesn't want to see anyone right now. The knocking persists for about a minute, then the door simply opens. She groans again and realizes she forgot to lock it last night. She kicks her bathroom door shut, but whoever is in her room hears the noise. She's just reaching up and fumbling with the handle to lock it when the person on the opposite opens it. She's sees the dirty blond hair and flash of green eyes and knows its Aaron.

"Quinn? What's wrong!?" he asks, alarmed. He kneels down and grabs her head, turning her so he can see her eyes, checking to see if her pupils are dilated and then he quickly presses his hand to her forehead to check for fever.

He's a nurse and she knows he's definitely on the verge of having a panic attack right now because he's examining her symptoms and immediately guessing she's pregnant. Quinn knows he must always have a steady head in their work, and if he's thinking about her or their baby he will not be able to focus. So she's going to lie and pray he believes it.

"Calm down," she says as she waves off his hand and quickly moves out of his grip. "I just caught the flu that's going around." She mumbles, trying her best to make herself look pissed off and annoyed at the fact that she's "sick".

"Are you sure… I mean we did, um, you know…" he mumbles as he brushes back her hair.

Quinn grabs his hand and puts it back down at his side. Aaron hasn't been acting overly different towards her since that night, but it's also not something he can brush under the rug either. They had sex, it changed their relationship and he can't ignore that. But Quinn doesn't need him to become some over protective and worried person, she needs him to leave her alone until the time is right and she'll admit the truth to him then, but not before.

"Aaron, I'm fine please stop worrying. I just have the flu. Now why are you here?" she asks as she pushes him away and grabs the sink to pull herself up. Aaron puts his hand on her back to give her an extra push.

"Our shift starts at the same time, I just wanted to see if you wanted to get some food at the mess hall before we go." He asks.

Quinn snorts and smirks. She's staring at her reflection in the chipped mirror that hangs on a tilt. Her hair is a mess, her skin is covered in a thin layer of sweat. She never looks presentable but today she looks even worse.

"It sounds like you're asking me on a date, Ryerson." She jokes and looks at him, still smirking.

He chuckles and nods but then quickly composes himself. "Come on, Abbott. You wish I was." He answers.

"Let me get changed, I'll meet you outside in a few minutes." She says and then ushers him outside and makes her way over to the pile of clothes she has shoved into the corner of her room. She grabs a white tank top and her dark patched jeans. She slips on her boots and quickly ties her hair to the side before meeting Aaron outside. They make small talk while walking to the mess hall. Many soldiers are there eating, as they're going out on a scouting mission soon. It seems like every day some leave- and many don't come back. They've lost twenty two soldiers this past week alone.

They take their trays of mushy rice and carrots and sit on the end of a table. Quinn takes a bite of the tasteless mush on her plate. She looks down the table and sees the soldiers laughing loud and slamming their hands on the table, getting excited and eager for their mission. At least they have spirit. At the end of the table, she catches a glimpse of bright blue eyes and a scarred face. John.

He's looking down her way and she quickly looks back at her mush to avoid his eyes. She can hear the scrape of metal against metal and heavy footsteps, then she hears John sit heavily on the chair opposite her and Aaron.

"Sir," Aaron greets as he quickly wipes his mouth.

John nods his greeting, then turns to Quinn and does the same. He wastes no time, like always, and gets to his point. "After the scouting mission today, we'll be going out again tomorrow to attack a Skynet base in the same area. I need one of you to come out on the field with us. We can't risk waiting to come back here, we lose too many people."

John is barely finished speaking when Aaron immediately responds. "I'll go, not her."

Quinn and John both look at him with their eyebrows raised. John is surprised at his eagerness and Quinn is annoyed and feels like punching him in the face.

"No, I'll go. We both know that I'm better at taking care of immediate injuries and you're better with the worse ones we get after at the med bay. And you're a far stronger leader and you can handle the other nurses better than I can." She interjects and looks at John for assurance, who nods in agreement.

"Quinn, you're-" Aaron starts but Quinn holds up her hand to silence him.

"I have the flu, but it's only a twenty four hour thing. I'll be fine by tomorrow." She says.

"Okay, it's settled. Quinn meet us tomorrow at 0500 hours." John says and then stands and leaves, glancing quickly at her before leaving.

Quinn chews her lip and continues playing with the mash on her plate. Aaron is looking at her, almost looking like he wants some sort of explanation. Should she tell him…? No, she has a job to do and nothing will stop her from doing it. It'll be fine, she hopes. It's not like she'll be in the line of fire or the fighting… What's the worst that could happen?


	6. Chapter 6

_**Hello, lovely readers! First of all thank you so so much to all of you who read and leave reviews- it is so nice of you xx I apologize for this chapter being shorter than usual- I promise the next one will be much longer (because there's some major revelations, drama and consequences to actions coming up in the next one) anyway I hope you all enjoy and feel free to leave a review to let me know what you think! Hope you're all having a goo day :)**_

John is used to the sounds of battle. The screaming from his men, the screeching of the metal machines, the bright red lights of the killers eyes. He was raised for this, he can handle it. Right now, he's crouching behind a Jeep tire, waiting for the metal doors of the Skynet base to open. His base is home to many of Skynet's airborne weapons, such as their jets and helicopters. If they can destroy this base it would be a major blow to Skynet.

The battle commenced about twenty five minutes ago to be exact. He can hear the noises, from every direction around him but he has to remain focused on the door. When it opens, the first thing that will emerge will be three Moto-Terminators. John has a rocket launcher that, when fired, should hit one of Moto's, making it blow up which would then lite the explosives Kyle has laced around the outside of the building. The explosions wouldn't destroy the machines inside, but it would destroy their housing and the soldiers could take care of the remaining machines. In theory.

John doesn't have any more time to think about it, because the door has opened. As predicted, three Moto's begin speeding out and John pulls the trigger. The force of the launcher propels him backwards into the Jeeps door. He quickly rolls and then scrambles back on to his feet- only in time to be propelled backwards by the explosion of the building. Wow, the plan did work.

There's a haze of blazing heat and dust in the air and the flames from the destroyed building are dancing high in the sky. John coughs and shakes head several times, trying to rid himself of the annoying ringing in his ears caused by the explosion.

"Fuck," he mutters to himself as he shakes his head quickly.

Screaming makes him focus on the battle around him. Several dead soldiers lie around him but he sees many still standing and fighting. He sees Kyle shooting at one of the Moto's that is targeting a group of soldiers and John quickly finds his feet, and gun, and run over to him. He hates Moto's because there almost no way to destroy them, expect one weakness in the outer shell, at the bottom near the front tire. The Moto is shooting at John who is trying desperately to dodge the bullets. John slows down, kneels and aims at the Moto. It takes him three tries but he manages to hit the weak spot and the Moto sputters to a stop and crashes an inch away from Kyle's foot. Joh runs to him and then ushers him to shelter behind a car. They have to shout to hear each other over the violence.

"Who did we lose!?" John screams.

"About nine sir, but that's all I know!" Kyle roars back. John nods at him and is about to ask him about the plan of attack, but a scream makes both of them look to their left. A soldier, Summer Baudin, got shot what appears to be several times in her right leg and the injuries has caused her to crash to the dirt. Kyle is about to run and get her, but Quinn reaches her first. She grabs one of Summer's arms and drapes it across her shoulders to allow her to haul the soldier to a more secure location, not in the middle of the battle zone. John runs out to finish the T-1 that shot Summer, and Kyle is right on his heels. John notices another figure joining them, Arthur Baudin, Summer's husband… Who witnessed his wife being shot and is now in an undeniable rage. John is glad he joined, it took the three of them to finally take down the T-1, but then Arthur begins running over to where his wife and Quinn are lying on behind an overturned Jeep. However, John notices the dirt in Arthur's path is upturned and messy and the lumps of dirt look almost like-

Fuck.

"Baudin no!" John roars but it's too late. Arthur has run and stepped directly on top of a land mind. It was only meters away from Quinn and Summer. The next few moments seem to play out in slow motion. Arthur realizes what he did, looks up and mouths Summer's name. Summer screams his name in return. Quinn's mouth opens in shock and she looks frantically at John, her eyes wide in fright. John doesn't realize he's running to her until he feels Kyle grab him by the shoulders and force him to the ground… Just as the land mine explodes.


	7. Chapter 7

The ringing in his ears is so painful that he practically can feel his head caving in on itself. His hands reach out, grabbing handfuls of dirt in the process, but trying to pull himself up on his hands and knees. The haze of dirt and fire has grown and he can hear Kyle groaning beside him. John reaches over and grabs his shoulder, shaking him until Kyle eventually mutters something that sounded like I'm alright.

John finally opens is eyes. He looks at the ground and to his dismay, he sees Arthur. Well, most of Arthur. His torso remains intact, but both legs are blown off. John can see one lying about fifteen feet from the torso, but the other one has disappeared. There is no way Arthur can survive. Kyle is crawling over to him now, his shaking hand extending and desperately looking for a pulse. When his head drops down and his shoulder's sag, John knows he has his answer. John almost forgot that Kyle and Arthur were friends.

But then John remembers Summer and Quinn. They were close to the blast and when John looks at the spot where they were hiding before, he finds it empty. Neither of the women are anywhere to be seen.

"Quinn!" he shouts out as he scrambles to his feet. He's immediately dizzy but he wills his heavy feet to move forward. He stumbles past the over turned jeep, and that's when he sees a leg sticking out from behind the hood of the car. He forces himself to jog over and finds Summer. She was blown back from the explosion and isn't conscious- but is alive. Her leg is still bleeding profusely from the gun shot she received earlier. John kneels down and pulls out his knife from his boot and begins cutting off pieces of her shirt for a make-shift tourniquet. He wraps it around her thigh tightly and hopes it does its job. The battle is almost over, so she will be brought back to their home base soon. Kyle has stumbled over and dropped to his knees beside Summer and puts his hand on her forehead, murmuring something to her. John is about to remind him that she can't hear a thing but then he catches a glimpse of a body sprawled out next to the remainder of a T-600. He can see the messy braid and the patched jeans and he knows exactly who it is.

John forces his legs to run. He hears a heavy thump to the right of him and has to drop to his knees to avoid being shot by another T-600. He looks up and has to roll backwards as the machine continues firing at him. He fires back, trying to hit the weak spot in the skull, but only manages to hit the machine's eye. Suddenly the machine's eyes flicker out and it wobbles unsteadily before falling flat on its face. John looks around to see the source of the machine's death and he sees Kyle, still kneeling beside Summer, with his gun raised. He owes Kyle a lot after tonight.

John turns his attention back to Quinn and runs the rest of the way towards her. When he finally gets there, he's relieved to see she's not missing any limbs. He reaches down and checks for a pulse and he can still feel that too. She doesn't look immediately harmed, just unconscious.

"Abbott? Quinn, can you hear me?" he murmurs and gently shakes her shoulder. But she's still unresponsive. Her head begins shaking and he carefully puts his hand on the side of her face. He can't see any immediate injuries but he's worried about the unresponsiveness.

John slips one arm under her knees and the other behind her shoulders and then picks her up in one swift movement. The fighting has definitely died down, only a few shots here and there. He can hear his people talking and he's thrilled; they won.

He doesn't want to think about the casualties right now.

John is quick to get back to Kyle and Summer. Kyle has summer in his arms too and his eyes are glued to the unresponsive girls face.

"The chopper should be here in moments, sir." Kyle informs John.

John nods but then he gets alarmed when he feels something warm on his hands. He looks down at his hand, which is under Quinn's knees, and he sees something dark starting to stain her pants. He kneels down and lays her on the ground before pushing up her legs up and sees the dark stain leaking down her legs. It's blood. John notices his hand that was under her knees is stained in blood too.

"What the hell?!" Kyle asks when he joins John on the ground. Kyle looks shocked.

John's stony eyes are running up and down her body. She's bleeding profusely down her legs and he doesn't know why, or how, to stop it. And he doesn't know if he can get her back to the medical bay in time to save her either. Maybe this is the end for the girl with the lavender.


	8. Chapter 8

Aaron hates his job.

He knows he's good at it, he's proud enough and cocky enough to admit that. But having to be in charge, screaming orders at the other nurses while he has hand inside someone's leg trying to stop an arterial bleed and then hearing the soldiers screaming at him to save their friends who usually have one foot already in the grave… It can be overwhelming. And he doubts today will be any different. The soldiers should be returning soon and he knows he's in for a long night.

He rubs his face and sighs, wondering what sort of disasters he's going to deal with tonight. Maybe they won't be as bad as usual because Quinn was on the battlefield.

Aaron chews on his lip and makes his way over to the shelf to grab his stethoscope, still biting his lip so hard he can feel the skin tear. He and Quinn are nothing more than friends but he knows she's hiding something from him and he has an awful fear of what that thing is.

Before he can focus too much on it, he hears screaming coming from the hallway and moments later the med bay door fly opens. A sudden stream of people come in, most carrying injured companions. The tables quickly fill and Aaron is thrown immediately in the midst of blood and screaming. He's about to go assist one of his nurses when Kyle Reese bursts in, followed by John Connor. Both men have women dangling in their arms. He recognizes one, Summer Baudin, and the other makes his breath catch in his throat. It's Quinn.

"What happened to her?" he asks as John lays the unconscious woman on the table. Aaron checks her pulse and finds one, a weak one but it's there.

"She was too close to a landmine, Summer was too." John tells him. Aaron then notices the blood on John's left hand.

"Are you bleeding?" Aaron asks and grabs John's hand to inspect for cuts but John snatches it back and points at Quinn.

"Not me, her."

Aaron is quick to pull off Quinn's pants and when he sees the blood smears over her thighs, he knows that the fears he had were confirmed. She was pregnant- was being the dominant word in this statement. She must have known but still chose to put herself in the middle of a battle.

"What's wrong with her?!" John asks urgently when he sees Aaron's angry face as he inspects Quinn's body.

"Miscarriage." Aaron responds. He runs over and takes a towel and rubs Quinn's thigh's, trying to clean and see if there is anything to disapprove his theory.

"A what?! How is that possible?" John shouts and looks at the girl in disbelief.

"Listen, I don't have time to explain it to you. I need you to leave so we can do our work. Now, sir!" Aaron commands. John looks at him, wanting to argue, but knowing better. Kyle has been sent out too, so the two men go into the hallway and wait until they're called back in to transport the first dead body downstairs.

* * *

Her eyelids are terribly, terribly heavy when she finally manages to open them. The lights in the room are so bright that she feels them burning her eyeballs and she cringes. The movement alerts her to another burning sensation, coming from her lower torso. She groans involuntarily as the burning starts racing through her body and the pain makes her shudder.

She hears something move beside her and she forces her eyelids to open again, and that's when she sees a pair of stony blue eyes staring at her from the chair to the left of the bed she lies on. It's John, looking at her with an expression made up of anger and fright. John nods to the other side of her bed and she glances over and sees Aaron leaning against the wall. He's glaring at her.

"You have explaining to do." Aaron exclaims angrily as he kicks a metal chair out of the way and slams his hands down on the side of her bed. Quinn has curled up and shoved her head into the pillow, not wanting to meet Aaron's angry glare. He's about to yell at her again when John stands up and holds out his hand as a command for Aaron to bite his tongue. John reaches down and brushes his fingers over her hair. She peeks out and he gestures for her to come out and face him.

'Why didn't you tell us about you being pregnant?" he asks bluntly.

Quinn runs her hand through her tangled her and squeezes her eyes shut. "I just thought I could handle it- wait how did you know I was pregnant!?" she asks. She sits up and looks alarmed and looks desperately at John for an answer.

John, however, looks at Aaron with a questioning look. He doesn't know how to handle this situation. Aaron has his head is hands and sighs heavily before looking at Quinn, who is starting to breathe heavily and looks terrified and is shaking her head. She knows what he's going to say- but she can't bear to hear it.

When Aaron finally speaks, his voice cracks. "You lost it, Quinn."

Quinn thought the last time she would feel tears on her cheeks was when she lost her mother. Today, she was proven wrong.


	9. Chapter 9

Aaron is wrapping Summer's sixth bullet wound. His hands are almost on the verge of shaking, he's so on edge. He needs to talk to Quinn because he knows the child she lost was his. He sees Quinn almost 24/7. They slept together before and he would've known had she had sex with anyone else. He's furious that she was so careless and he needs to talk to her, yell at her, do something to release his anger, but John is still beside her and has his hand on her quivering shoulder. Anytime Aaron gets close, John glares at him and looks like he'll punch him if he gets within three feet of Quinn. John is too protective of her, Aaron can see it. John has gone soft with her.

Aaron ties the bandage and steps back, admiring his work. It will do for now, anyway. He'll have to change it in a few days. Summer's hasn't woken up since she was brought off the battlefield, where her husband's remains still lie. Kyle Reese is asleep on the floor beside her table, he tried staying up but his tiredness overcame him. Aaron doesn't bother waking him up, he'll wake up when he does. Then he'll have the job of informing Summer about Arthur's death. Aaron is tired of telling people about death of their loved ones, Kyle can deal with it today.

The other soldiers are either patched up or dead so his job is done for the night. He looks at Quinn, who seems to be nodding off to sleep. John is still sitting beside her. He looks up, catches Aaron's eyes and then quickly looks at the door, indicating Aaron should leave. Aaron doesn't argue, not with John. He would lose. He quickly makes his way out the door, not looking back.

* * *

John repositions in the metal seat, trying to make himself as comfortable as possible. Quinn's eyes are fluttered shut and she occasionally twitches, showing she's asleep. John is exhausted but doesn't want to leave, he needs to talk to her but also doesn't feel the need to wake her up. He'll wait it out until she wakes up.

Which isn't long.

A fellow soldier suddenly lets out an ear slitting scream as a nurse pushes their dislocated shoulder back into place. A moment later, Quinn jolts awake and she groans before covering her eyes with her hand to shield her eyes from the bright lights. She doesn't realize John is sitting beside her until he clears his throat. Quinn jumps again and removes her hand so she can see him. He has no emotion on his face, as always. Just that cold stare and the red scar.

"Did you know you were pregnant?" he asks. He doesn't waste time or try to sugar coat anything. He wants answers.

"I wasn't positive but I had an idea…" she admits. She's chewing on the inside of her mouth again and she can soon taste copper in her mouth. The pain in her mouth was a welcome distraction from thinking about the child she killed.

"Quinn, why didn't you tell me? You let me bring you out on to the battlefield, knowing full well the consequences of doing so, but still chose not to even tell me?" he asks, the anger in his voice becoming evidently more clear even though he was trying to contain it.

"But I wasn't sure-"

"I don't give a fuck if you weren't sure! You had an idea and that was enough. You allowed me to bring you into a battle and now you lost the child!" he interrupts. He's shouted and now the other nurses are staring at her. She turns over, ignoring the throbbing pain in her abdomen, and presses her face into the metal table. She's humiliated, hurt… Everything.

John sighs and reaches out to touch her shoulder but she only curls up and refuses to look at him. "Quinn, I'm just angry you let me do that to you-" he begins but she suddenly sits up and slaps his arm away.

"This wasn't you! This was my decision! I'm tired of you saying you "allowed" this to happen! This was my choice and I'm not going to take your self-righteous shit for it. Not yours, nor Aaron's, nor anyone's here. What I did was my decision and no one is to blame and I won't give you another reason to self loathe!" she roars at him.

To say John is taken aback is an understatement. Quinn is not one to yell, especially not at him. She's always soft spoken and gentle with her words, which helps her with her job. Bringing people the worst of news with a non-threatening attitude, that's a good quality. But now as she sits up, her hair wild and unkempt around her shoulders, the bruises and cuts littering her face from the explosion and her trembling body, she looks anything but unthreatening. Wild, untamed, dangerous almost verging on psychotic. Not the girl with the lavender that he knows so well.

"Quinn," he says softly. He holds his hands out and silently asks her to calm down and listen. "I just didn't want to see you injured lie you are now-"

"You can't protect me, John. Stop pretending that you can. It's pure luck I survived this time. I shouldn't have… I shouldn't have." She trails off and buries her head in her hands.

"What are you talking about?" he asks her.

She doesn't look at him. She just brings her knees up to her chest and hides her face. "Get out, John. Get out of here and leave me alone." She says angrily. When he doesn't move, she screams. "Get out!"

This time, he doesn't argue. He gets up and leaves the med bay silently. He's angry at himself, for putting her in the battlefield in the first place. Angry at her for not telling him she was pregnant, angry at Aaron for being the reason she was. Angry at her for choosing Aaron.

But he doesn't go back to the med bay.

If she wants to suffer by herself, then so be it. Let her suffer.


	10. Chapter 10

When Kyle wakes up, the first thing he notices is how sore his body is. He hadn't managed to make it back to his room, he had just passed out on the floor beside Summer's table. He stands up, stretching his arms and he can feel the snaps of his bones and joints as he does so. He looks around the med bay and sees the soldiers who are mostly asleep on the metal beds or one blankets on the floor. Kyle sighs and rubs his eyes, knowing they need to start renovating the med bay. It's too small, too dirty, and too old for this base.

Kyle looks down and sees Summer lying on the table. Her short titian hair has dried blood in it, and her face is covered in dirt. Kyle walks over to the other side of the med bay, where a pile of towels are laid beside the sink. He flips the tap water on hot and allows it run for a while to get warm. He takes a towel and holds it under the stream of water. Once it's warm and soaked, he rings it out then returns to Summer. He begins bathing her face, scrubbing the dirt and blood away. A moment later, Summer finally opens her eyes and she begins thrashing around and almost screams before Kyle throws the cloth to the floor then pins her arms to the table.

"Summer! Summer, it's me! Calm down! It's Kyle!" He exclaims as he tries to hold down the wild girl.

"Kyle?!" she chokes out. She hasn't spoken in hours, her throat is dried and her head is pounding and suddenly she's alert to a growing pain in her leg. The pain becomes so intense that Summer bites her lip when the urge to scream becomes almost overbearing. But then she remembers something that makes her forget about the pain. "Arthur… Where's Arthur?" she asks Kyle.

Kyle dreaded this conversation. But he knows he doesn't have the right to withhold such important information from her. So he just looks her in the eyes, shakes his head and then says, very softly, "He's dead, Summer. He never came off the battlefield. I'm sorry."

Summer doesn't say anything at first. She only stares at him with wide green eyes. But then she begins shaking her head. Shaking her head so quickly, as if she's trying to shake away the truth he just told her.

"Summer?" he asks carefully and touches her shoulder.

"No, no. No. No. NO!"

She's screaming now. Painful, angry screams that radiate through the med bay and carry on through the hallway. Kyle's begging her to calm down, other nurses have come running to try and help and the other soldiers are awoken from their sleeps and are staring at her with hazy eyes.

Kyle is at a loss as to how to handle Summer, but then someone grabs the deranged girl and holds a cloth under her nose. The cloth is laced with a strong liquid sedative, and Summer soon slumps down on the table, completely knocked out. The person who had done this was Quinn, still standing in the flimsy paper gown she was put in. Kyle can still see the remnants of the blood on her legs.

"Wait there, I want to talk to you." He informs her before turning his attention back to Summer. Another nurse has brought him restraints which they'll attach one end to the metal legs of the table, then lock the bands around her wrists and ankles. For her safety as well as theirs.

It takes Kyle only four minutes to do that, but when he turns back to Quinn's bed he finds it empty. The only sign she was there was the paper gown tossed on it. Kyle runs out of the med bay and down the hallway. No sooner does he run seven feet, red lights start flashing and a voice blares on loud speaker.

"Please report to the closest safety bunker. This is not a drill, please report to your nearest safety bunker as quickly as possible. You have six minutes."

Kyle knows what this is. Every person on this base knows.

An attack from Skynet.

* * *

Quinn hadn't listened to Kyle when he told her to stay. She wasn't in the mood for a lecture, or for someone to tell her how stupid her decision was. She knows already. So while he restrained Summer, she changed into her clothes then quickly left the med bay. She's not sure where she's going… maybe she'll sneak out of the base. She can get out through an old air vent she found years ago. She could leave… go outside. Take her risk with the machines. It may be better than facing what she's done. Yes, that's what she'll do.

She's just reached the small hallway with the air vent when lights start flashing and alarms start ringing. Soon, the grey hallway is flooded in red. It's an attack from Skynet. Air raid most likely. Quinn goes to run out of the hallway, but she hears small screams which make her skid to a stop. She whips back around and sees two pairs of tiny eyes peek out from behind some old crates.

She runs over to them and drops to her knees and pushes a crate out of the way. The two owners of the eyes scramble backwards, clutching each other. She knows these two.

"Kya! Ronnie! What are you two doing here?!" she asks. She reaches for Kya but the girl scrambles back, trying to hide behind a crate.

"We just wanted to play!" Ronnie responds. Another alarm goes off and the boy looks up, terrified. The red lights are reflected in the boy's wide pupils.

"It doesn't matter, listen we have to go! Come with me!" she commands. Ronnie listens and immediately jumps up but Kya doesn't move.

"I want mommy-"

"Kya, please come with me." Quinn asks the girl with her softest tone. But when she doesn't move, Quinn has no choice but to make her. "Now, Kya!" she shouts at the girl. Kya screams but does let go of the crate and Quinn grabs her and lifts her up. Kya is only five, easy to carry.

Quinn takes hold of Ronnie's hand and practically drags the young boy out of the hallway. It takes her three minutes to get to the nearest bunker, which is nearly crammed to capacity.

"Kya! Ronnie!"

Quinn looks over and actually sighs with relief. She sees their mother, Lydia, shoving her way through people to get to her children. She grabs Kya out of Quinn's arms and takes Ronnie's hand. But then her eyes widen and she looks around Quinn.

"Ronnie! Where's Laia?" she shouts at the little boy.

He squeals and looks like he's going to cry. "I thought she was with you!" he yells.

Quinn groans and looks out the door. The other child, eight year old Laia, is still outside. Lydia is about to run out when Quinn grabs her and shoves her back to her children. "Don't leave them! I'll get her!" she yells, trying to be heard over the loud voice that's telling the personnel they only have three minutes remaining until all he automatic bunker doors close.

And with that in mind, Quinn runs back out into the hallway to go looking for the girl.

* * *

Kyle fumbles with the restraints on Summer's wrists. It seemed he did his job a little too well when he initially put them on. The med bay has their own bunker, which automatically closes sooner than the others. A little glitch in the system. Kyle finally rips off the last restraint and picks up the unconscious woman and carries her in, just as Aaron takes in his last patient. Aaron had come running to the med bay when the alarms first began.

They settle the patients in, but then the sound of heavy footsteps enter. Kyle looks up and sees John standing in the doorway, looking around the room. He runs to Quinn's table but looks alarmed when he finds it empty. When he finally sees Kyle he shouts, but doesn't move.

"Where is she?!" John asks.

"Not in here!" Kyle responds. John doesn't stay. He turns around and runs back out the door. "John, no!" Kyle screams but it's too late for him to run after him, the med bay bunker door has slammed shut and cannot be opened until the air raid is done.

* * *

John runs through the hallways. There almost all deserted. Maybe she's gotten into a bunker? Which I what he should be doing? He's acting irrationally and he knows this. But the guilt he's feeling is overpowering his usual wise thinking.

There's a bunker just down the hallway, he can make it. But then, over the sound of the alarms, he hears someone scream for Laia. He can't go into a bunker without knowing the other personnel are too. He runs and locates the sources of the noise, incidentally finds who he was looking for. Quinn running in and out of the living quarters. John is about to call out to her when something hits the base. The impact of the shock makes John and Quinn fall to the ground. John groans and Quinn looks up and sees him.

"John!" she shouts as she scrambles to her feet. He does the same and goes over to her, grabbing her arms.

"What are you doing here?!" he asks her. Her face is lit up by the red lights and she can barely hear him.

"I need to find Laia!" Quinn shouts in response and shakes him off before running away. John is quick to follow her but is shouting at her the whole time. Quinn is too busy screaming Laia's name to respond. Another blast hits and John is knocked to the ground, but Quinn keeps running and calling for Laia.

Finally, she hears a response. From under a bed. Quinn drops to her knees, sees the frightened child, and pulls her out. As she does so, another blast hits the base. The bunker doors are closes, there's nowhere to go. Everywhere the sirens are blasting, red lights are flashing and the ceiling is starting to crack. Quinn feels like she can't breathe.

"John!" She screams. She's praying he's close, because she doesn't know how to handle this situation.

But not tend seconds later, she feels another pair of arms around her. And it's him.

"Get under the bunk!" he instructs. Quinn ushers Laia in first, then she slides in, then John. Quinn has almost half her body over the crying girl, and has her arms wrapped around her. John's behind Quinn. One arm is over Quinn and Laia's head, while the other is holding on to the two females and bring them closer to his body.

Another blast hits and the walls shake. A loud crunch is heard. Quinn cries out. "John!"

"Just hold on, Quinn. Just hold on-" he answers, but he's cut off. Because he sound of crashing rock overcomes the sirens, and soon all she can hear is the ceiling crumble in on them. John's voice is drowned out and soon the only thing she can see is darkness; but his voice has gone silent.


	11. Chapter 11

It's Laia who wakes first. The girl has been shielded by the sturdy right side of the bunk and by Quinn's body. She can barely breathe, the smoke and dust in the air so thick she starts to cough. She can't move, she can't see, she can't breathe.

Laia tries to squirm, to move, out of Quinn's lack grasp. Quinn's eyes are shut and her head is tucked under John's arm. Laia manages to free her arm and snakes it up to the nurse's shoulder. She shakes it as much as she can manage.

"Quinn… Quinn wake up please," she chokes out. Tears are streaming down her face now, clearing a path through the dirt caked on her cheeks.

Quinn isn't responsive so Laia tries again, and again. Each time, her voice rises in volume. "Quinn! Please wake up!"

Another deep rumble is heard, followed by a crack. Laia catches her breath and waits for the rest of the ceiling to crumble in and crush them, but nothing happens. Maybe it's all done? All the damage is done?

But oh is she wrong.

Another crack brings down the wall on the opposite side of them. The grey stone comes crashing down to the floor in a deafening explosion. Laia tries to scream, but her throat is so raw no noise comes out. She practically folds herself back into Quinn's side, praying the dust will settle, the noise will end and she's not lying beside two dead bodies.

Laia loses track of how long she stays huddled silently beside Quinn. She only dares peek out when the dust eventually settles and the pieces of the concrete wall have stopped raining down on them. She can barely see the woman at this point, but she tries one more desperate time to wake up Quinn. She clears her throat then shouts as loudly as she can.

"QUINN!"

It works that time. Quinn's eyelid flutter open and she coughs before she reaches forward and touches Laia's forehead.

"Are you okay?" she murmurs. Laia nods in response and Quinn cradles the girl's cheek in her hand before starting to look around their surroundings. The sirens have stopped, but the red lights still gleam. There's dust and rubble surrounding the bunk, but the bunk has not collapse on them yet- amazingly. Quinn tries to move, but her body is pinned and the movement makes her head spin. Her head is hazy and heavy and she can barely think straight. She remembers a few things. Laia, the ceiling crumbling in on them… John…

"John," she breathes. She manages to turn on her back and look over at him. His arm was still covering her head, while the other was over her waist. She looks at him but his eyes are closed and there's blood running down his forehead and down his scar. He's breathing heavily, but still breathing. That's all that matters. He's still alive.

She has to get them out of here. The smoke is horrible for Laia's delicate lungs and John could be seriously injured. She manages to turn back on her stomach, and examines the rubble surrounding the bunk. There's rocks everywhere, but then she notices one little opening. It's at the foot of bed. It's about three feet, jagged edges with pieces of metal sticking out of the corners. She can manage; she has to.

"Laia, I need you to listen. I'm going to try and get out. I'll get you out after. Trust me, okay, honey?" she says. Laia nods and then Quinn starts pushing herself down. She has to maneuverer herself out of John's arms, then carefully slide through his and Laia's bodies.

"Quinn..." Laia groans. She's trembling, Quinn can feel her leg hitting against her own shoulder. Quinn looks up, offers as best a smile as she can manage, and reaches forward to clutch the girl's leg.

"It's okay, Laia. Just trust me, I'll get you out." She says as she slides herself further down. She's reached the hole now, and carefully slips her feet out. She manages to do that without getting it caught on anything, so she then pulls herself forward using a rusty piece of metal as a handle. She's half way out. Her head is spinning, but she forces herself to get out. The room is still red, with dust making the air so thick she has trouble seeing and her eyes burn. The walls have been knocked down in most of the living quarters. She's amazed the one stayed up for them; John must be the luckiest man in the world. He's cheated death so many times.

Quinn turns around and reaches forward in the hole, reaching for Laia. The girl understands and takes her hand instantly. Quinn slides her through, careful of the metal and sharp edges. She's so thankful that this hole was big enough for them to fit through. But she knows John couldn't fit and he has yet to wake up. Once Laia is out, Quinn sits her on a rock and instructs her to stay still. Then she turns her attention to the rocks surrounding the bunk. She begins pulling at the smaller ones first. Luckily, most of the rocks are small as they shattered from their fall. She desperately grabs them, throwing them behind her.

Eventually she pulls enough away to see his face. His scarred, dirty and bloodied face. She holds her finger under his nose to check for breath and nearly cries with relief when she feels it.

"Hold on, hold on for me okay?" she whispers as she continues pushing the rocks away. She knows he can't hear her, but perhaps she did it to comfort herself more than him.

As she pushes and pulls on the rocks, blood is smeared across the stone. Her hands are torn and bleeding at this point. It takes one, two, three more shoves before she finally manages to clear the rocks away to make a hole big enough for John to fit through. She's heaving and gasping, her head still spinning and her body feels like it's on fire. But she has to get him out. The air raid has stopped, and she can hear voices starting to surface from the opening bunkers. Thank God.

She reaches in and grabs his shoulders. She breathes in and out slowly, trying to steady her spinning head; but to no avail- the spinning is relentless. But she has to bring him out. She braces one foot against a large rock, then with a big heave she wretches John's body through the hole. She manages to get his head and up to his shoulders out. Before trying pulling the rest of him out, she checks his head. The blood is flowing freely down his face and she checks the wound on his head. A rock, with a pipe sticking out of it, had fallen during the cave in and smashed his head. His skull isn't deformed, there's no sunken areas or bone exposed. She's praying it's only a minor injury but she knows she needs to stop the bleeding. She needs some sort of fabric to use for a bandage, but she sees none. So she does the only thing she can think of, she rips off her shirt and rolls it tightly, making a slender column shape.

"Laia, come here, I need your help," she says as she begins cleaning the gash. There's a few pieces of debris in his skin, and she's too nervous to dig them out without a sterile environment. She carefully sponges away the blood and Laia has crawled over and is looking at her curiously with her large hazel eyes. Quinn hands the child the rolled shirt and carefully turns John's head to the side. "I need you to press the shirt against his cut, okay? And push hard on it. I'm going to try and get him out, but I need you to keep pushing hard on his cut no matter what." Quinn instructs. Laia nods and does as she's told, applying as much pressure as her little body can manage on the man's gash. Quinn grabs his shoulders and pulls once, twice, three times. She manages to heave the large man out of the hole and she, Laia and John go tumbling backwards into a pile of rocks.

Quinn can feel her head collide with the sharp edge of a jagged pipe, and darkness explodes across her vision and ringing begins in her ears. And she can feel something warm spreading across her scalp. She reaches up with shaking fingers and touches her head, and when she draws them back she sees the dark liquid on her fingertips.

"Fuck," she mumbles. The wound appears to be quite shallow but it's going to bleed and hurt like a bitch, but she'll survive. She's got John out and Laia's safe and she's praying the med bay is still standing.

Shit.

The med bay… Aaron. Is he okay? Did he make it to a bunker? What if he was crushed like they almost were? However, her thoughts are interrupted by the sound of hurried footsteps and yells from the hallway.

"Is there anyone here!?" A worried voice yells. She knows that voice, it's the sound of young eighteen year old Zackery Laker. Zackery, the young gentle giant. He's 6'7 and still holding on to his innocent, childlike mind.

"Zackery! Over here!" she shouts in response. She hears the footsteps break into a run and moments later the 6'7 boy comes skidding to a stop in the doorway. He looks at John then at Quinn, his mouth hanging open and looking like he desperately needs an explanation.

"You're going to need help me carry him out, okay? Just keep your calm. He's fine, the bleeding will stop-"

"You're bleeding too!" Zackery screeches and points at her head.

"Calm down! Head wounds always bleed. We'll be okay, just help me." She says calmly. Zackery nods and carefully steps over the rocks until he's beside them. He takes one of John's arms, Quinn takes the other and then they scramble to their feet with the large man draped over them.

"Laia, hold on to my waist." Quinn instructs. The small girl nods and scurries over to her and wraps her arm around Quinn's waist. But the girl's foot catches on a rock and she almost falls, but uses Quinn to steady herself. In turn, Quinn stumbles in to a stop ad before she can say anything to the girl, John makes a croaking noise. She looks down and uses her other hand to lift his chin up. His eyes are open and unfocused, but he's awake. His eyes finally lock on to hers and his forehead falls against hers.

"Quinn…" he sighs.

"You're okay, John. You're okay now," She whispers. Laia is still holding on to her waist tightly and Zackery looks relieved to see his leader awake. John picks up his feet and steadies himself for a moment. "Can you walk?" Quinn asks him.

"Of course," he answers gruffly. He stands, shakes off Zackery's hand and begins walking- albeit very wobbly- down the hallway. Quinn swings around and scoops up Laia, who immediately buries her head in the crook of Quinn's neck. She runs her hand through her hair and kisses her head. She hurries and catches up with Zackery and pulls him to a stop.

"Zackery, do you know if we lost anyone?" she whispers. She doesn't want Laia to hear his response.

The boy looks at her, tears forming in his eyes, and nods. "Bunker 302, on this floor. It caved in. We haven't been able to get in yet." he whispers in response. Quinn feels her breath catch in her throat.

Bunker 302; where Laia's mother, brother and sister were hiding.

Quinn looks at Laia, then Zackery and then finally John, who has stopped and is looking back at her too.

He's the leader, Zackery is the gentle giant, she's the nurse and Laia… The little orphan.

 _ **Hello everyone! Big thanks to all of you who have been reading so far x hope you guys are enjoying it :) so I guess I got the air raid idea from the Mockingjay movie, the soundtrack for the air raid scene is so good! Let me know what you guys think of the chapter :)**_


	12. Chapter 12

It's been two and a half weeks since the air raid attack. Quinn is listening to John's strong heartbeat with her stethoscope. It's steady and powerful, just like hi. It's a perfect reflection.

John isn't paying attention to her, instead he's watching little Laia who is sitting in the corner on a metal table and in her hands is an old doll Kyle found on a run. It's amazing that it has survived so long, in fact it looks to be almost fifty years old. It's made of soft cloth, with sewn on features and brown yarn for hair and a torn plaid cloth dress. Laia's loves it and has decided to name it Lucy. It was good for her to find something to be happy about after all the pain she went through.

John remembers when Quinn first broke the news to Laia that her family was killed in the bunker…

 _They arrived back at the med bay, Laia still locked on to Quinn' body. Zackery was helping John remain steady on his feet, though the boy has no idea how his leader is even managing to stay on his two feet._

 _Quinn takes Laia and places her on a table, doing a quick check up to make sure she's not in any immediate health risk. She seems fine._

" _Quinn, where's mommy?" Laia asks quietly, staring at the nurse with her wide innocent eyes._

 _Quinn's mouth hangs open for a few moment and she looks at John for some sort of direction. He has none to offer and simply shakes his head. He limps over and puts his hand on little Laia's shoulder. Laia may be young, but she can sense there's something wrong. Quinn swallows hard before looking at the little girl and brushes a lock of her hair behind her ear._

" _Laia, I'm so sorry. They're not… She's not… They didn't make it." Quinn whispers._

 _In this war, in this life, almost nothing can touch John's rock hard heart. But the sight of this little girl processing Quinn's words, then realizing she has become an orphan and the look of pure heart break written across her face has been burned into his memory forever._

John watches as she half-heartedly plays with the doll. The look of sadness hasn't left the girl's hazel eyes since finding out the news. It's enough to make him ache in his chest. Quinn has stopped listening too and is looking at the same sight. He knows that this loss is weighing heavily on Quinn, as no one has stepped forward to take care of Laia. All the families in the resistance have enough children to worry about and are too scared to take on another because getting attached to another human means the possibility of losing said human- which would only lead to more pain. So they're protecting themselves, but that means no home for the little orphan.

John looks at Quinn and touches her elbow. She looks at him with her eyebrow raised. "Yes?" she says.

"I'm going out on a run later, I was going to take Kyle but you can come instead. It'll get your mind off everything and I know you need some more ingredients for that medicine you need to start making." He tells her. She simply nods as she folds her stethoscope back in her pocket and looks back at Laia.

"Will she be okay?" Quinn whispers.

John doesn't know if she's talking to him or herself, but he answers anyway. "Maybe one day. Maybe."

* * *

John walks forwards cautiously, Quinn at his heels. The tank had dropped them off roughly three miles from the base and then cloaked itself. It was one of the only tanks able to do that, cloak and become completely hidden from Skynet eyes. John's hoping his scientists can manage to replicate a cloaking device big enough to hide an entire base- one day. It's proving far more difficult than he had originally hoped, but maybe one day.

John walks forward slowly, nearing a small stream that seems to feed into a bigger pond just beyond a rock bed. John carefully jumps over the rock, checking and making sure there are no machines. There isn't any sign of them, so he turns around to help Quinn up, but she's already jumped up and is standing beside him.

"What's the hold up?" she asks with a playful tone. John doesn't allow himself to react, but her light attitude makes him feel more at ease. They walk silently over the rock bed until they reach the tree line. There's a medium sized gathering of trees which surround a small pond, with a battered old cabin standing on the edge of the water.

"Have you ever been here before?" Quinn asks quietly as they near the cabin. The day is warm, and sunlight streams through the trees. It must be late summer and she can see the trees are starting to turn colors. The red is creeping through the bright green leaves. Quinn remembers some old books she used to read when she was a child about Halloween, a popular holiday that used to take place before the world went to hell. It was full of pumpkins, treats, costumes and happy smiles. If only the world was still like this. Maybe one day it could be like this again.

"No, I haven't been here before. Let's check the cabin," John answers. He holds up the gun and quickly crosses through the opening, ushering for Quinn to run in front of him and go to the cabin door. He waits for a second, to see if there are any machines but none can be seen or heard. He goes to the door of the cabin and tries to the doorknob, but it's locked. Instead, he goes to a window and uses his elbow to break it. It's a quieter way to get in than kicking the door down. John brushes away the glass and then hoists himself up, swings in the window and lands quietly on his feet. The cabin has one large room that has a broken down couch and what was once a kitchen.

There are only two adjoining doors to the main room. Before he checks them, he turns around and helps Quinn through the window. She sits in the window and swings her legs around and John takes her hand as she jumps to her feet. He holds it for a second later than necessary and they both notice. Quinn looks at him but John drops her hand quickly, almost embarrassed at getting caught.

"Stay here," John says as he goes to the two doors. He opens the first one, finds it empty aside from a bed and a broken crib. What's lying in the crib makes him breathe out heavily and close his eyes. A small skeleton. John doubts the child was little more than a year old when it died. John quickly leaves the room and goes to the other one. It was just a bathroom.

"John? Is it okay?" Quinn calls out. John steps out of the bathroom and nods. Quinn begins going around the room, looking for anything to salvage. John does the same.

The cabin appears to be mostly empty, but Quinn finds some old quilts in a cupboard. She also finds two towels and three face cloths. She folds everything up and leaves it on the cracked counter. John scouts the bedroom and finds some old clothes, a few shirts, a pair of men's pants and a jumper for a baby. He tries his best to not look at the crib.

Quinn is about to walk in when John throws himself in front of the door and blocks the doorway. She doesn't need to see the skeleton, it would only make her sad.

"Wait, don't go in." he says quietly. Quinn raises an eyebrow and crosses her arms across her chest.

"Why?" she asks.

"Just trust me, there's something you probably don't want to see." John answers and makes his stance firmer. Quinn tries to duck under his arm, but John grabs her waist and swings her back out and practically carries her out. But she peeks around his shoulder and sees the crib. Her eyes widen when she glimpses the skeleton and her body sags in John's grip. He feels it and stops walking, knowing she saw what he was trying to shield her from. Quinn pushes herself out of his arms and walks back to the bedroom.

"I'm a big girl, John. I don't need you to protect me." Quinn hisses as she checks the room herself. John walks to the door way and leans against it, watching her scurry around the room.

"Stop saying that. I know you don't need me to protect you, but it doesn't mean I don't want to." He tells her. Quinn looks at him and nods her thanks. She's running her hands under the bed, looking for anything that may be hiding there, but then something under a floorboard catches the sun and glimmers in John's eye. His eyebrows come together and he walks over to that part of the room. He runs his fingers over the floorboard until he finds a little notch which he uses to pry up the board. What he finds are a few stray pieces of jewellery. A golden bracelet, a set of diamond earrings, a necklace with a shiny silver heart charm- which is what glimmered in the sun- and then a gold necklace with a small golden circle. He turns it over in his hands and on the back he finds a small sapphire chip embedded in the gold. Simple and beautiful.

"What did you find?" Quinn asks. John holds the necklace up on his finger and shows her, then grabs the silver heart.

"Give this to Laia. She may like it," John says as he tosses the silver necklace to Quinn who catches it in her right hand. John slips the other necklace into his pocket, along with the diamond earrings. They may be able to use the diamonds for tools back at the base. He leaves the bracelet. He gets up and leaves the bedroom and goes to the bathroom to see what he can find. There's barely anything left in the bathroom, aside from an empty bottle of peroxide and some band aids. He takes the box of band aids and walks back to the living room where Quinn is rolling the blankets up, then stuffing them into the duffle bag she brought. He tosses the box of band aids to her and she packs them in.

The cottage has been scouted so they return outside, to see if there is anything Quinn could use for natural remedies. John stands by the water and stares at it. He adores the water, always has. When he was a child he wouldn't hesitate to run into a body of water like this and spend hours in it.

He doesn't notice Quinn come up beside him until she speaks. "I'm thinking I'll adopt Laia," She says quietly. John looks at her with a questioning look. "She has no one else. I can't leave her." She tells him.

"You'll be a good mother," John responds. Quinn smiles and looks at the water. His approval means a lot to her.

John reaches into his pocket and fishes out the gold necklace. "Here. This would like nice on you," he says. Quinn opens her mouth to argue, to say this was someone else's property and she has no right to take it, but John shakes his head to stop her. "Just accept it, it's yours now. And you can give the other one to Laia when we get back." John says.

"Should I tell her it's from you?" She asks, grinning. John notices she has a habit of biting the tip of her tongue when she smiles.

"No, just say it's from you. She would get scared if it was from the big bad scary man," he says quietly. John steps behind her and gently pushes her hair over her shoulder so he can fasten the necklace around her throat. His fingers brush over her skin and she shivers.

Quinn knows that many of the children on the base are scared of John. Many of the adults are too, in fact. They respect him and look up to him, but he's an intimidating, scarred man who isn't to be messed with. And John knows this. He's not there to be a warm, comforting face. He's there to protect his people. But having children run away from him when he walks down the hall weighs on him sometimes, no matter how much he tells himself his purpose for being the leader.

Quinn has never been scared of him. She never will be. "You're not scary. Not to me," she whispers. John looks down at her and for a moment, both of them are silent and still.

John is always calculating, while Quinn is careful. They both take risks with their jobs, but they're careful not to take risks when it comes to relationships. Expect that one time Quinn made a careless with Aaron and she nearly paid a risk for that. But sometimes, despite how calculating John is or how careful Quinn is, sometimes you have to throw caution to the wind.

So when Quinn steps closer, goes on her toes and softly press her lips on his, he doesn't move for a second. She pulls away quickly and looks ashamed.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that-"

John's hand goes to the side of her face, he pulls her closer and meets her lips again; properly this time. He knows he shouldn't, he shouldn't get attached, but he also realizes that it's too late for him not to be. He is attached and he wants to kiss her and he can't lie to himself and say he doesn't.

And she knows she wants it too.


	13. Chapter 13

Aaron knows Quinn well, perhaps too well. He knows when she's stressed, tired, scared; everything. But when she floats into the med bay after her outing with John, Aaron simply can't figure out what on earth she's feeling. He doubts she herself knows what she's feeling. She walks past him, almost blindly going to a table in the corner to lay her supplies from the run. She has a small gathering of chamomile flowers, as well as some more lavender. Both are dried, so she must have found them after someone else had picked them and then left them in a hurry. One thing you learn quickly in the apocalypse is how to find and store anything that may be useful in the future. She also pulls out some quilts and lays some of them on the metal shelves. She'll save the other ones for the new living quarters.

As she is puttering around, Quinn seems to still be off in her own little world and Aaron is about to go to her, but a little figure beats him to her. Laia runs to her and hugs her around the waist. Quinn is shaken out of her thoughts and looks down at the little girl.

"Hi, Laia."

"Hi." Laia responds, her voice muffled by Quinn's shirt. Quinn hugs her quickly before reaching into her pocket and pulling something out.

"Here, we found this for you." Quinn says as she holds up the silver heart necklace for the girl to see. Her hazel eyes widen and she smiles ever so slightly. She nods and Quinn clasps the necklace around her neck. Laia runs her fingers over the necklace and smiles again.

"Thank you," she mumbles. Quinn runs her fingers through her hair before sending the girl off. The base has a sort of day care during the day, but Laia tends to stay in the med bay. Ever since the attack she's been nervous and flighty and prefers to be around Quinn. Or John, but she can't be around him whilst he knows. He's always in meetings or overseeing the rebuilding of the living quarters. She does manage though, she'll hide behind rubble or crates or in air vents. She has yet to be caught, and hearing John's steady voice is comforting to her. But today she obeys Quinn and goes to the day care.

* * *

Aaron still watches Quinn who ghosts around the med bay, grabbing a lab coat and slipping it on and then pulls her hair into a bun.

"How was the run?" Aaron asks her. His arms are crossed and he's leaning against the wall. There's only three patients in the med bay, and two are asleep while the other one is glaring at the wall, not paying attention to Aaron or Quinn, who are also the only nurses in the bay right now.

"It was fine." Quinn finally answers. She takes her clipboard as well as her pencil and leans against the opposite wall. They're staring at each other and she can feel a sort of tension blossoming up between them.

"You seem a little off today, Abbott. Did anything happen whilst you were on the run?" Aaron asks her.

Quinn raises her eyebrow and glares at him. "Nothing that concerns you." She responds bitterly. She knows Aaron will continue to try to pry information out of her and if he were to find out she has feelings for John, he'll give her some speech about being stupid and allowing her feelings to interfere with her job. That's how he works.

"Are you giving me attitude, Abbott?" Aaron snaps.

"Excuse me? You are not my boss, Aaron. We are of the same rank here." Quinn spits back.

"No, Abbott. I've been promoted. Now what happened on the run?" he commands. He's left his spot against the wall and has walked over to Quinn and is only a few inches away. His green eyes are piercing into hers.

"Who promoted you!?" Quinn exclaims.

Aaron smirks and is about to answer but someone else answers for him. "That would be me."

Quinn looks behind him and sees John leaning against the door with Kyle behind him. Quinn can feel her blood begin to boil. John never once mentioned he was thinking of promoting anyone in the med bay, and especially not Aaron. He doesn't like Aaron.

"May I ask why?" Quinn screeches and pushes past Aaron so she can stare at John.

"The nurses needed a solidified leader. Ryerson fits that role." John responds smoothly. Quinn grinds her teeth together and grips her pencil so hard it almost breaks. She knows she's overreacting but having to answer to Aaron makes her angry.

John can see the response and rolls his eyes. Quinn can pick the most inopportune times to get angry. "You've been promoted too, Abbott." John tells her.

Aaron snaps around. "What?" he blurts out.

"We've decided that from now on we will be taking a small ground team with us on field missions, to hopefully help with the injuries. You'll be the leader for said missions and be in command when Aaron is on leave from the medical bay," he informs Quinn- and a very surprised Aaron who opens his mouth to say something but John silences him with a look. "I guess you missed that part of the memo, Ryerson." He says and then almost smirks at Quinn.

Quinn looks at Aaron. She doesn't want them to be on bad terms but having Aaron not be above her in rank is gratifying. "What were you saying about attitude, Ryerson?" she quips. Aaron rolls his eyes and quickly walks out of the med bay, brushing past John as he does so.

John walks over to Quinn and gestures for her to slip into the private room. She does so and he closes the door behind them. "Happy with your promotion?" he asks.

She smiles, nods, and leans forward slightly, so she's only centimetres away from his face. His breathing is steady and his icy eyes are trained on her. She looks at his lips, then takes the last step towards him and closes the distance between them. The kiss is soft and his hand reaches up to the side of her face, pulling her even closer against his lips.

Kissing him isn't anything like kissing Aaron. Kissing Aaron was sloppy and he tasted like vodka and mistakes, while John tastes like mint and comfort. She knows that their scary lives could change in moments, any second could be an attack, a death, anything. So she decides to savor this moment with him because she doesn't know the next time she will be able to have John to herself.


	14. Chapter 14

John knows that this war has to end.

He cannot allow his people to keep dying and losing their family members anymore. So, when his commanders say they can launch a final assault at Skynet and destroy it once and for all; he knows he has to agree despite the costs it will take. This attack will be immense and painful, but in the end this is what will save them. However, he also knows form his mother that he needs to send back a solider to protect her. If she dies, he would never be born. The resistance would not have a leader.

Skynet has a machine that will send back a Terminator to 1984 and John will do the same. He knows he has to send Kyle back, but he cannot force him. Kyle has to volunteer and want to do it himself. He will fall in love with Sarah on his own, perhaps he has already. John has filled his head with tales and stories of his mother and has shown him the photos. He will fall in love when he meets her.

The final Skynet attack will go ahead in four days. He has decided to bring four nurses on the field; Kate Lucas, Matthew Hepburn, Mason Rice and Quinn Abbott. Aaron Ryerson will be ready with a five person team back in the medical bay. He has to put his faith in his nurses. They can save his soldiers; they have before they can do it again.

John has to tell Quinn about his decision on her team, but she was not in the med bay. John rolls his eyes and rubs his brow with his hand. Keeping track of this woman can be difficult sometimes.

"Do you need any help, sir?"

John glances up to look at the source of the voice and finds Aaron. The blond man has his arms crossed and is staring at his leader with as a polite look as he could muster. There is a quiet tension between the two of them, but it is still clear. Ever since the time in the med bay when Quinn had the miscarriage and Aaron was furious and John protective, the two have been far from friendly. Just polite.

"I'm looking for Abbott." John replies. His voice is gruff as he stares at the blond man.

Aaron presses his lips together firmly before answering. "She has left the base. She went out with the girl."

John's eyebrows shoot up in surprise and he perks up. "She what? Where are they? And under whose authority did they leave?"

"Um, I am not positive. Quinn, oh sorry, Abbott, said she needed more ingredients for her medicines and said she requested a leave with Laia so she could get some air. She got the acceptance from one of your commanders." Aaron answers.

John leaves without another word. His commanders should know better than to allow two people out without protection. It was plain stupidity. They're in a war zone but some people seem to like to pretend they're not. He goes to one of the computer logs in the control room and pulls up the information put in by Quinn a mere two hours before. His eyes scan the green screen, which is casting a soft glow on his face. According to the log, Quinn left with Laia to a location only a mile away due north and were on foot. They have a minefield set up for three miles, but the mines are only triggered by metal, so it was somewhat safe for Quinn to leave on foot. John knows where the location is; he was the one who discovered it. It's just a small patch of fertile earth with different plants growing, totally appealing to Quinn. He doubts she's brought any weapons though and is unprotected, and especially with Laia, he's not risking anything happening.

He closes the log and leaves the control room and begins walking to the exterior doors, grabbing a gun, plastic so he doesn't set off a landmine by accident, and strapping it to his leg before gesturing for the technicians to open the door. Before he can leave, a worried voice stops him. He shoots around and sees Kyle running towards him.

"Where are you going!?" Kyle shouts as he skids to a stop in front of John. His green eyes are wide and he's heaving from the run.

"I'm going to find Abbott, she has a child out there and it's not safe. I know you're going to ask to go, but you're not. Find out who gave Abbott permission to leave and remind them of the circumstances in which we live and also tell them no one is to leave this base without getting my permission first and unless there is a valid reason." John snaps then turns away and walks out the door without waiting for a response from Kyle. He has a duty to do and Kyle will have to do as he says.

* * *

Laia pulls at the daises in the ground, carefully attending each one. She is fashioning herself a little bouquet of flowers, complete with buttercups. Quinn smiles at the little girl who is so entranced with her work she barely notices. She still has her silver heart necklace fastened tightly around her neck.

They've been out for almost three hours, and Quinn knows it's almost time to return. John will wring her neck if she's out for too long and away from the base. Quinn knows this area is well protected and didn't expect to run into any problems, she just needed to get Laia out of the base and into the sun for a while. The child has been locked away for far too long. They spent the afternoon in the sun, with flowers and no one else around. It was lovely. It made Quinn feel… normal.

"Alright, come on, Laia. We need to get back," Quinn says as she stands up and extends her hand. The girl grabs it and she hops up and the two begin walking back. "Did you have fun?" she asks Laia.

"Yes! Can we come out here again sometime?" the girl answers. She sounds excited, for the first time in weeks.

"Perhaps, I will have to check with- wait who's that?" Quinn suddenly asks mid-sentence. A tall figure is approaching them through the gravel laden path. She knows almost instantly form the quick gate that it's John approaching them. He looks concerned and quickly reaches them with his quick pace. He looks at Laia, making sure she was in one piece and then looking at Quinn.

"Why did you leave without informing me?" he asks her firmly.

She covers Laia's ears before answering. "I knew you would say no but I had to get her out in the fresh air." John opens his mouth to argue but Quinn sends him a look that says "just don't".

John doesn't bother respond but simply nods and then gestures for the women to continue walking down the pathway back to the base. Laia is walking along and twirling her flowers absentmindedly down the gravel path. But suddenly, she stops and stares at the sly with wide eyes and she begins to tremble.

"Laia?" Quinn calls out when she notices the girls sudden stop.

John steps forward and reaches the girl to see what she is staring at and what he sees make his adrenaline immediately spike.

"DOWN!" he shouts and grabs Laia and throws her to the ground before dropping besides her, covering her head with his hands. A terminator helicopter, using a cloaking device, had been slowly creeping up to them. However, the cloaking mechanism has one little give away; it shimmers in the sun and Laia happened to see it. Just as John, Laia and Quinn drop to the ground, two T700 machines are dropped from the helicopter and land with a heavy thud on the ground. John is waiting, and everything seems still. He can feel Laia trembling under his arm, he can hear Quinn's quick breathing. The T700's begin to walk towards them, but those steps trigger the landmines. The dirt begins to shake and suddenly seven mines fly up and secure themselves on to the machines legs. The explosions are so powerful, John can feel his body being thrown back into the air. He feels Laia's little body collide with his as they both crash to the ground. Quinn is not far behind them and she is screaming as her ears begin ringing loudly due to the explosions. John tightens his hold on Laia to keep her from falling, because he realized they were blown directly to the edge of the cliff they were walking on. His foot slips off the gravely edge and his heart jumps as he pushes himself up. He looks over to Quinn who is lying on the edge too.

He looks up and sees that the torso of a machine survived. Its blood red eyes stare at him, and its arm reaches over in their direction. John sees the dirt begin to shake and a landmine breaks the surface of the dirt. He's about to try and shout, to warn Quinn of the emanate explosion, but it's too late. The force of the blast hits them and Laia is thrown out of his arms and he watches, his breath caught in his throat, as she goes tumbling over the side of the cliff.


	15. Chapter 15

**_Hi everyone! Hope you're all enjoying reading this :) let me know what you think of the chapter and hope everyone is doing well! Thanks so much for taking the time to read :)_**

"Laia!" Quinn screams. John looks over and breathes a sigh of relief, at the sight of the messy woman. She, thankfully, did not go over the side of the cliff. She had been blown back but managed to grab a steady rock to keep her from falling. Her hands were scratched, blood was beginning to seep out of the scrapes on them and there was dirt caked on her face. Her hair is out of her braid and is hanging around her face is messy waves.

John scrambles towards the edge of the cliff, his head spinning but he doesn't fall over. Laia, amazingly, was only dangling over the side of the cliff; she didn't fall. She's still alive. She is screaming and crying and holding on to a thin root that is hanging out of the cliff. There's a cut on her forehead.

"John!" she screams and looks desperately at him. He reaches down, but the girl is just out of his reach. Laia can't reach for him, she's far too frightened to let go of the root; her lifeline. Quinn is beside John, she tries reaching for Laia too but reaches too far and begins falling. John catches her and throws her back just before she slips off.

"John, what-"

"You would have fallen, Quinn! That would not have accomplished anything!" He shouts before crawling to the edge of the cliff again.

Laia's face is red and blotched and tears are streaming down her cheeks. The root is still secured in the dirt and Laia is still dangling on it. She looks up and her voice comes out broken and in sobs. "Help me, please, help! John! Quinn!"

"We have to get her!" Quinn screams.

John nods and then thinks quickly. Neither he nor Quinn can reach her, and he's not risking dangling Quinn over the side of the cliff in case something were to happen for him to drop her and then in turn lose Laia too. He looks down at his shirt and realizes that might be his only option, it's long sleeved and might be able to reach her. He rips off his shirt and holds it down, thankfully the sleeve goes past her head and hangs almost down by her waist.

"Laia, I want you to let go of the root with one hand and grab the sleeve. But make sure you wrap it several times around your wrist, okay? You need to trust me now." He begs. She looks up at him with her watery, hazel eyes and John can feel his throat tighten. It's a pitiful sight.

But Laia listens. She lets go with one hand and grabs the sleeve, twirling her hand several times until it's wrapped around her wrist. With her other hand she lets go of the root and is now hanging off the sleeve. With one strong heave, John pulls her halfway up. With one other quick heave he drags her the rest of the way. Quinn immediately grabs Laia and pulls her back and hugs her so tightly John can hear the girl squeak.

"I'm so sorry, Laia, I'm so sorry!" Quinn cries into Laia's hair. The girl nods and says repeatedly that it's okay but Quinn refuses to let go. John, looks up at the sky but sees no helicopter. Where could it have gone? But then John gets an answer. It went down the cliff and John can see the glimmer in the sun. It's coming back up for them.

John reaches over and grabs Laia and makes her get to her feet, then grabs Quinn and pushes her up too. When Quinn looks at him for an explanation, John has already begun running. He has simply grabbed Laia and is holding her tightly in his arms, knowing she wouldn't be able to keep up.

A moment later, the helicopter is above them and begins firing. Quinn screams and has to drop to the ground to avoid the shots, but narrowly does so. John stumbles and tightens his grip around Laia and for a second, he honestly thinks this is the day the three of them will die. He has ruined the chances of the rebellion, because he couldn't lose Quinn or Laia. They've become his weaknesses.

Before the helicopter can finish Quinn off, John hears an unexpected noise. A jeep is flying towards them with Kyle hanging out of it with a bazooka in his hands. John breathes out with relief has the keep pulls in front of them. Miranda, the soldier who lost her baby, is in the backseat and she reaches down and pulls Laia into the jeep.

"Get Abbott in here now!" she roars at John. John nods and runs forwards, trying to avoid the shrapnel and flames flying through the air. Quinn is lying on the ground, clutching her leg. She seems to have gotten shot in the thigh, but only once. John takes her arm and puts it over his shoulder and drags her to the jeep.

"Are you okay, Abbott?" he asks as he pushes her into the backseat.

Quinn looks at him, her teeth grinding together and a grimace on her face, trying hard to smile but failing. "Just fine. How are you, Connor?" she spits out. John smirks then moves to the front of the jeep in between Kyle and the driver. He grabs the wheel and turns it, making it spin back to the base.

Kyle is holding tightly on to the seat as John drives back to the base as quickly as the jeep can go. The jeep is armoured and altered as to drive faster, and amazingly manages to weave in and out of the continuous firing from the Skynet helicopter. The drive over lose rocks and the car bounces uncontrollably.

"John, drive care-carefully!" Kyle screams at his leader.

Miranda is in the back and she leans out the window to see where the helicopter is located. But as she does so, John has to swerve to avoid a large rock in the road. Miranda doesn't have time to regain her balance and she topples out of the window and lands on the road, rolling into the minefield.

"Miranda!" Quinn screams as she pulls herself to the window. Miranda isn't dead, she is sitting up and is waving her hand.

"Don't stop! Keep going, I'll find my way-"

She can't finish that sentence. The helicopter has fired on her and she's engulfed in a ball of flames.

"Miranda, no!" Quinn screams. Laia is crying, huddled into the seat. "John, we have to go back, John we can't leave her!" Quinn shouts at the man. He doesn't answer because they've reached the base. He drives into the awaiting doors which shut as soon as the jeep pulls in. Quinn is screaming at him, begging for him to go back. Laia is still sobbing, Kyle is simply staring at the doors in stunned silence.

Aaron was waiting for them in the loading bay. He runs over to the back of the jeep, stethoscope around his neck and bandages in his pocket. He slips Laia out of her hiding place and checks her over before going to the other side. He looks at Quinn's leg quickly before taking her arm and draping it across his shoulders and pulling her out. She's stopped screaming at John and is biting her bottom lip. She balances on one leg and tries to gesture for Aaron to leave her alone but he refuses. He takes her hand and examines the scratches, carefully wiping away the blood. His touch is tender and there for perhaps too long. Quinn looks at him and he greets her with the familiar green eyes and she swallows hard.

"You scared me, Abbott. I thought I lost you." He whispers. Quinn bites her lip again. Aaron is confusing. One day he's stern and serious, the next he seems to care. She can't keep track anymore.

"We lost Miranda," she tells him. He nods and then looks at the floor. He should be used to death… But he's not.

After all he's only human.

As Aaron begins leading her to the med bay, Quinn looks back at the jeep. John is gripping the steering wheel tightly and refuses to look back. His stony grey eyes are fixated on the wall. The only thing that is going through his mind is that another soldier dead because of him.

Another soldier lost. Another life wasted in this war.


	16. Chapter 16

Quinn stands in the mess hall with Laia and Zackery beside her. They're eagerly waiting for the food to be put on the trays, not caring if the portion was big or small which is a good quality to have in a war. Aaron's shift at the med bay is up in twenty minutes and its Quinn's turn to go in. It's the day of the attack and Aaron has managed to patch up Quinn's leg and using the aid of intensive pain killer she can walk on it. The adrenaline is already starting to pump through her veins and she's very apprehensive for the events that'll occur later today. Who will she lose, who will be injured? She just doesn't know.

Quinn's eyes scan the mess hall, looking for John but he's nowhere to be found. He's either preparing for the battle or being consumed by his guilt. Or perhaps both.

Quinn takes an apple off the table and puts her tray back in its pile. She decided she doesn't have enough time to eat and make it to the med bay in time for Aaron to be off his shift in time, and she doesn't want him to be annoyed at having to stay later than he needs to.

"Zackery, I have to go to the med bay for my shift. Keep an eye on Laia, okay?" She tells the tall boy. He smirks and nods and Laia hugs Quinn around the waist before going and clamping herself beside the tall boy who puts his arm around her shoulders.

The little orphan and the gentle giant have become closer than she expected, and she was happy for that. She limps back to the bay, eating the apple quickly too. She reaches the metal room just as screams erupt from it and travel down the hallway. Quinn doesn't run, screams from the med bay aren't uncommon. When she eventually limps in, she sees Aaron standing over a fourteen year old girl. Aaron has her ankle in his hands and he's running his fingers over the swollen, red flesh. The girl's name is Victoria, and her ankle looks fractured. Victoria is biting her lip to keep from screaming, but she's biting so hard blood is starting to seep out of her bottom lip.

Aaron sighs and turns her ankle ever so slightly, but it makes Victoria cry out loudly. "How did you do this, Victoria?" Aaron asks wearily, glancing up at the teary eyed teen.

"I didn-didn't mean to-to. I was just walking and I fe-fell." She gulps out. Her blond hair covers her face but the pain in her eyes are brutally obvious. Quinn throws her apple in the garbage then goes to a cabinet and pulls out a roll of bandages, cotton and pins. They don't have materials to make a cast so they'll have to her make with a stiff bandage. Quinn walks over and silently hands Aaron the materials and he takes it and nods his thanks to her.

"Sit down, Quinn." He says softly. She pulls up a chair and sits beside him. He instructs her to hold Victoria's ankle still and steady while he wraps it. She'll have to stay in the med bay for a few days.

"Quinn, John and I have decided that I will go in your place to the battlefield and you will stay here. You're too slow with your leg and this is for the good of the soldiers." He tells her quietly, so Victoria wouldn't hear him.

Quinn turns and looks at him. He's still staring at the bandages, his green eyes are steady and firm. They do flicker quickly to her though, for only a second. "Aaron, it's too dangerous… they need you here."

"No. They need one of us, and right now it's best for you to be there. You're just as strong as I am as a leader, that's why John made you the head nurse too. He's decided that you will stay here and I will go and we can't go against him, he's our leader." Aaron responds, still wrapping the ankle without looking at her. Quinn only nods. John has made the decision and it's final.

When Aaron finishes wrapping Victoria's ankle, he gets up and retrieves some mild pain pills. It's the only ones he can afford to lose, he needs the other ones for the soldiers but he can't leave Victoria with nothing. He hands the girl the pills and a small glass of water before gesturing for Quinn to join him in the private room. Quinn limps over, slipping a white nurses jacket over her shoulders as she does so. Aaron is leaning against the wall, rubbing his face with his hands. He's exhausted- she knows that.

"Aaron?" she asks quietly.

"I have the notes written up for you, Victoria is the worst right now. We'll be leaving in three hours… I expect you'll have a lot of patients when we return. I'll be able to help you when that happens," he tells her and hands her the clipboard. Quinn takes it and reads it over. She feels Aaron brush up beside her. She freezes and looks up. She is scared he will kiss her, but he doesn't. Not on the lips at least. He kisses her on the forehead, then whispers goodbye and walks out of the room.

Their dynamic is too confusing. Especially with John in the mix now. She knows that feelings are stupid, petty and a waste of her energy but she cannot deny the past ties she has had with Aaron and how despite how rude and cold he can be, she still knows him better than anyone else. But she also can't deny that no matter how many strings she has attaching herself to Aaron, John Connor is still the one person her mind always wonders back to and the person she wants above all else… Even Aaron.

"For fucks sake, Abbott. Get your shit together and focus." She mutters to herself angrily. She doesn't have time to focus on this now. The battle is soon to be underway and she has to focus all her energy on it. She'll have to save as many people as she can today and expect the unexpected.

… But the one thing she couldn't have expected that the next time she would see Aaron, six hours later, he would be lying limp in John's arms, blood running down his chest, his arm gone and the light in his green eyes fading. The commander holds him tightly as he drags the nurse into the med bay and when looks at Quinn, his face is smeared with Aaron's blood and his body quivering.

"I'm sorry," he whispers.

Quinn's rushed forward and can feel the tears in her eyes and she's shaking her head violently. "No." she gulps out.

By the time they pull Aaron on to the metal table, his heart has stopped beating and the light has gone from his once sparkling eyes.


	17. Chapter 17

Everything around her is a blur. People are shouting, soldiers are bleeding and screaming and commanders shout and try to command her to move and nurses look to her for orders. But her eyes are glued to her dead friend on the table.

"Quinn, Quinn, we need you! Snap out of it!" John shouts at Quinn. His hands are still clamped on to the gaping hole in Aaron's leg, trying desperately to get the bleeding to stop. "Please help me, what do I do!?" he screams. He's not looking at her, his eyes are trained on Aaron's lifeless body.

Quinn finally gets her thoughts back. She steps forwards and shoves John's hands away from the corpse. He looks at her for an explanation and when she offers it to him, her voice is better and cold. "He's dead, John. Move his body, we need the table."

And with that, Quinn walks away and goes to attend another fallen soldier with his half his face blown off. His body is shaking violently and he's choking on his blood and tissue. She gets to work, but now before looking up and seeing John carrying Aaron's dead body out of the med bay. He's covered in Aaron's blood and his scar is dripping in it… it looks like it's a fresh wound again. John looks at her with a pained expression and she can only nod at him in attempt to comfort him. But she knows it won't work. Comforting people during a time of death is almost always a futile thing.

* * *

It is almost twelve hours later when Quinn finally crawls out of the med bay. One of her nurses has fallen asleep in the corner of the room, another is asleep in the hallway. He was trying to go to his room, but the exhaustion overcame him and he simply slumped to the ground. Quinn thinks the idea is good and she stops crawling and just drops to the floor. They had to work for the entire twelve hours, their bodies were pushed to their breaking point and they are all exhausted.

Quinn's eyes are shut and her face pressed into the grate flooring. She can hear footsteps nearing the med bay, and then the footsteps are followed by a voice.

"Quinn? Are you okay?" it asks. It's Zackery. He's kneeling down beside her, his hand on her shoulder and with his other he brushes her braid off her face.

"M'fine," she mumbles. She doesn't open her eyes but points to the nurse passed out across from her. "Get 'im to 'is room please." She tells him, her voice muffled by the floor. Zackery agrees and she can hear him walk over to the nurse, pick him up and begin carrying him out of the hallway. Along the way, she hears him stop, talk to someone softly before continuing on walking. She hears another pair of footsteps walking towards her. She's tempted to tell the person to leave her alone, but before she can do it, the person reaches her and gently pokes her side.

"Mmm, 'top." She mutters and makes a weak attempt to bat his hand away.

"It's just me. Give me your arm." John says. Quinn doesn't argue, she just weakly raises on arm. John takes it, puts it over his shoulder, and then puts his one hand on her back then the other under her knees. He lifts her up in one swoop and she feels like she's floating.

"What happened on the mission?" she asks him.

"We won. We destroyed the Skynet base for good. No more machines, no more war. We did find something in the base, a time machine for lack of better words. They never got to use it. But Kyle decided to go back." He tells her.

"Why?" she asks.

"He had his own mission to fulfil, regardless of how this one went." He tells her. She doesn't entirely understand what he means, but her brain is too clouded and too tired to make sense of it.

"What happens now…" she murmurs, as her eyelids shut once again, sleep almost overtaking her.

"The future." He whispers.

She can't respond, because she has fallen asleep in his arms while he carries her to the room.

* * *

 _Three years later._

"Laia, come inside please." Quinn calls from the kitchen window. She's on her tiptoes, leaning against the counter and getting as close to the window as possible. She can see Laia outside, sitting on the grass with Brody beside her. Brody is the messy, three legged mutt that John and Quinn had found a year ago, ravaging through an old trash bin. The brown mutt had patches of hair missing, a corner of his ear torn, and an eye missing. John didn't want to bring it back, but Quinn silenced him, picked up the doog and carried him back to their small home.

After the war, the army disbanded. People began rebuilding, making families and new homes. Things were growing and people thriving- with no threat of the machines anywhere. John and Quinn decided to live together, accompanied by Laia. Zackery became a frequent visitor, then turned into their next housemate. Both Zackery's parents were killed in the fighting and he was left orphaned, like Laia. John and Quinn never officially said it, but Zackery knew that once there started being a bed instead of a couch for him to sleep on, it was him now too.

Laia comes running in with Brody hobbling behind her. After the war, she decided she wanted to cut her hair short like Summer's, so John sat her down, grabbed a pair of scissors and cut off all her long brown hair until it was in a pile on the floor. After John was done, Quinn hesitantly handed her a mirror. She took it, looked at herself, jumped up, squeal and smiled and hugged John around the waste before running outside to have her now pixie length hair ruffled by the air. It's been cut short, by John, ever since.

"I need to go to the clinic, can you keep an eye on that pot for me? It's just some soup." Quinn tells Laia as she grabs a large grey sweater and slips it on. Laia nods and goes to the stove and stirs the simmering soup, Brody patiently sitting beside her and waiting for scraps.

Quinn walks out of the door just as Zackery ducks in. He grins before pecking her on the cheek and going to the kitchen. She begins walking to the clinic she opened after the war. It's more comfortable than the med bay ever was, but every so often she gets a painful reminder of Aaron as she works. He's long dead now, but he would have been proud of the clinic. As Quinn is walking down the street to the clinic, she notices someone sitting on a grassy mount. She sees his scar and knows who he is instantly. John had trouble adjusting from war to home life, but after three years he is finally enjoying it. It's his life now.

Quinn walks over and sits beside him silently. He doesn't say anything either, but just continues looking at the sunset. Quinn knows she has loved John for a very long time, and will probably always love him. Rebuilding a life after a war isn't easy, but having him at her side helps. John turns to her and brushes a piece of hair out of the way before pressing his lips on hers. It's soft, quiet and gentle. Her favorite kind of kiss.

And once again, without saying a word, he gets up, pulls her up and he walks back to the house and she walks forward to the clinic.

* * *

John arrives back to the house and finds Laia and Zackery laughing in the kitchen. Laia is eleven now, soon to be twelve and Zackery is almost twenty one. Both have grown up, but also managed to retain their child like innocence. It's something John is grateful for.

"Here, John." Zackery says and hands him a steaming bowl. John accepts it and immediately begins eating it, whilst Zackery then ladles some soup into a bowl for Laia and ushering her to the table. She giggles and sits down beside him.

John allows himself to smile. The little orphan, the gentle giant, the nurse and the leader. A group of broken people brought together by tragedy but held together with care.

* * *

Quinn examines the little toddler wriggling on the table. He can't stop moving and nearly rolls of the table and she grabs his hips. Amazingly, it turned out Summer was pregnant with Arthur's child. They called it the miracle baby and Summer carried it to full term and delivered it. It was a healthy little boy, with a mop of orange hair on its little head, like Arthur. She named the baby River Artie. After Arthur. Quinn was the one to deliver River, she brought him into this world and was the first person to see him. She loves him dearly, the little bundle of orange hair and energy. Summer smiles at her little baby and runs her finger over his chin.

"He's perfectly fine, Summer. Healthy as always."

"Thanks, Quinn. I'll see you later," Summer says as she scoops up the baby and walks out the door. Quinn smiles and gathers her clipboard and coat and puts them in their rightful places. A life after the war is better than she could have dreamed.

* * *

When Quinn eventually returns home, it's already late. The cold autumn air bites at her skin and the leaves crunch under her feet. Autumn is a beautiful time of year and she knows how much Laia loves the fall, the leaves and the sun. It's her favorite time of the year.

Laia and Zackery are both asleep by the time she returns home. Brody is sleeping on Zackery tonight, the dog snoring so loudly that Quinn is amazed how Zackery can sleep through it. Laia is sound asleep in her room too. Quinn tiptoes past and finally enters the room she and John share. He's lying awake, one arm behind his head and the other holding the bundle of dried lavender under his nose. His eyes are closed, and his breathing is slow. He's shirtless and the sight of his sculpted torso is familiar and appealing to her.

"Why are you still awake?" she whispers as she walks to the dresser, stripping off her shirt and jeans. She instead opts for a large, soft grey shirt that is long on her it's nearly a dress.

John smirks, eyes still closed. "I like waiting for you." He mumbles. He still doesn't open his eyes, until she walks over and climbs on top of him and sits on his stomach. He smiles and opens his eyes, the soft blue twinkling in the moonlight. He rests his hands on her thighs and she grins.

"Are you happy now, John?" she asks him.

"Yes," he whispers. She leans down and kisses him, softly like earlier. He smells like lavender and she can almost taste it. When he pulls away, his fingers are entwined in her hair and his face still brushing against hers. "Thank you for giving me this future. I didn't think I would ever be able to stop fighting." He says to her.

"I do love you, John. We're not built to be cruel. This is the life we were meant to live, not fighting." She says.

And she was right. They were not meant to be cruel people, and they were not supposed to keep fighting forever.

They will rebuild their broken world, bury the metal and survive.

 **And that's it everyone- thanks to all who read the whole thing xxx**


End file.
